Milton

Now, i'll tell ya a tale that'll bust yer heart

That only a few people knew, ta start

It all took place when our concert tour was booked at the seatac hilton?

I'll guarantee ev'ry word's the gospel truth

Got witnesses ta prove it, too,

'cause we all toured with a fella by the name a' milton



Now milton was o-fficial tour director,

Electrical piano-playin' plug connector

An' the slave-drivin'-est travel conductor

That we ever seen in our lives

He'd say "whaddya mean, ya need more rest?

"the world don't care whether ya look yer best!

"simply show up promptly at six a.m. with your instruments ...and your wives!"



[choir; in sorta of "bringing in the sheaves" way]

Shall we gather at the airport?



He'd always arrive in the nick a' time

A good five minutes ahead a' flight time

A-lookin' like he'd been drug through a needle's eye

He'd stand there, stoned and about ta choke

On his egg mcmuffin an' his giant coke

An' then he'd throw all the tickets on the counter and say

"check the bags and let's fly!"

"well, whaddya mean, this is too much weight?

"we only got forty-six pieces a' freight!

"and if it don't go, who's gonna explain it to our fan club in tacoma?"



We'd all get embarassed an' head for the plane

While milton stood there, bein' profane

But somehow he always managed ta get on board ...in sort of a coma



[choir]

When the drinks were served up yonder...



Well, we deplaned at th' other end

All the trouble seemed to commence again

Though milton had ordered three station wagons, a pickup truck and a limo

And though he'd phoned ahead to that number two

Cussin' an' fussin' an' turnin' blue

We'd always end up with two datsoons and a pinto



Now milton took all a' that stuff in stride

Laid on the floor, an' kicked an' cried

But we always looked up to him for hope and salvation

But we'd sink to the bottom a' trav'lers hell

When he'd check us in a remote motel

And he'd grab the clerk by his shirt an' tie an' say

"whaddya mean, ¿no reservaci