The Downward Spiral

i hurt myself today
to see if i still feel
i focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but i remember everything
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
i wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
i cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
i am still right here
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
if i could start again
a million miles away
i would keep myself
i would find a way

you had all of them on your side, didn't you?
you believe in all your lies, didn't you?
the ruiner's got a lot to prove he's got nothing to lose and now he made you believe
the ruiner's your only friend well he's the living end to the cattle he deceives
the raping of the innocent you know the ruiner ruins everything he sees
now the only pure thing left in my f**king world is wearing your disease
how did you get so big?
how did you get so strong?
how did you get so hard?
how did you get so long?
you had to give them all a sign, didn't you?
you had to covet what was mine, didn't you?
the ruiner's a collector he's an infector serving his shit to his flies
maybe there will come a day when those that you keep blind will suddenly realize
maybe it's a part of me you took to a place i hoped it would never go
and maybe that fucked me up so much more than you'll ever know
how did you get so big?
how did you get so strong?
how did you get so hard?
how did you get so long?
what you gave to me
my perfect ring of scars
you know i can see what you really are
you didn't hurt me nothing can hurt me
you didn't hurt me nothing can stop me now

he sewed his eyes shut because he is afraid to see
he tries to tell me what i put inside of me
he's got the answers to ease my curiosity
he dreamed up a god and called it christianity
your god is dead and no one cares
if there is a hell i will see you there
he flexed his muscles to keep his flock of sheep in line
he made a virus that would kill off all the swine
his perfect kingdom of killing, suffering and pain
demands devotion atrocities done in his name
your god is dead and no one cares
drowning in his own hypocrisy
and if there is a hell i will see you there
burning with your god in humility
will you die for this?

i'm losing ground
you know how this world can beat you down
i'm made of clay
i fear i'm the only one who thinks this way
i'm always falling down the same hill
bamboo puncturing this skin
and nothing comes bleeding out of me just like a waterfall i'm drowning in
2 feet below the surface i can still make out your wavy face
and if i could just reach you maybe i could leave this place
i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
you don't know just how i feel
i stay inside my bed
i have lived so many lives all in my head
don't tell me that you care
there really isn't anything, is there?
you would know, wouldn't you?
you extend your hand to those who suffer
to those who know what it really feels like
to those who've had a taste
like that means something
and oh so sick i am
and maybe i don't have a choice
and maybe that is all i have
and maybe this is a cry for help
i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
i do not want this
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
don't you tell me how i feel
you don't know just how i feel

i want to know everything
i want to be everywhere
i want to fuck everyone in the world
i want to do something that matters