1. _ Swim
You keep telling me I'm beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time
Your love is so colorful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars
I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Til I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim
I was floating above myself
Watching her do just what you wanted
Poor little friendly ghost
Wondering why her whole house feels haunted
I told myself I was strong enuf
That I had plenty of blood to give
And each elbow cradled a needle
But listless and faint ain't no way to live
So I hope I never see
The ocean again
Pushing and pulling at me
As I go deeper and deeper in
Til I'm so far from my shore
So far from what I came here for
I let you surround me
I let you drown me
Out with your din
And then I learned how to swim
You keep telling me I'm beautiful
But I feel a little less so each time
Your love is so colorful
It flashes like a neon sign
But I finally drove out where
The sky is dark enough to see stars
And I found I missed no one
Just listening to the swishing of distant cars
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2. _ Company
What's the point
Of all this pointless proximity
If you won't talk
Take me for a walk
Through a little story
All these years
Have made me sick to tears
Of such mysteries
Why should I keep you
If you won't keep me
Company?
Til I get to know you
I ain't gonna show you nothing
Wordlessly
Whatchoo think this is?
You think that that grin
Gonna get you in
Where you wanna be?
Do I have to stand under your little cloud
Just to get near you
Baby can't you help this little girl
Not to fear you
Why don't you just talk
Take me for a walk
Through a little story
And tell me
Why should I keep you
If you won't keep me
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3. _ Animal
More and more there is this animal
Looking out through my eyes
At all the traffic on the road to nowhere
At all the shiny stuff around to buy
At all the wires in the air
At all the people shopping
For the same blank stare
At america the drastic
That isolated geographic
That's become infested with millionaires
When you grow up surrounded
By willful ignorance
You have to believe
Mercy has its own country
And that it's round and borderless
And then you have to grow wings
And rise above it all
Like there
Where that hawk is circling
Above that strip mall
More and more there is this animal
Looking out through my eyes
Seeing that animals only take from this world
What they need to survive
But she is prowling through all the religions of men
Seeing that time and time and time again
Their gods have made them
Special and above
Nature's law
And the respect thereof
And I think when you grow up surrounded
By willful ignorance
You have to believe that mercy has its own country
And that it's round and borderless
And then you just grow wings
And rise above it all
Like there where that hawk is circling
Above that strip mall
Ask any eco-system
Harm here is harm there
And there and there
And aggression begets aggression
It's a very simple lesson
That long preceded any king of heaven
And there's this brutal imperial power
That my passport says I represent
But it will never represent where my heart lives
Only vaguely where it went
Cuz I know when you grow up surrounded
By willful ignorance
You learn that mercy has its own country
And that it's round and borderless
And then you just grow wings
And rise above it all
Like there
Where that hawk is circling
Above that strip mall
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4. _ Bubble
I hated to pop the bubble
Of me and you
But it only held enough oxygen
For a trip or two
To the moon and back again
Tell me, do you remember when
Our love had such grace
We were floating above this whole place
It's dawn on the corner
Where the city tests its squeaky breaks
Outside my bedroom window
A doppler muffler and a boomin bass
It's dawn and the snow
Is turning on its deepest blue
So I go outside just to stand there and
Look at my hands against the color
I find I always return to
I want you to always remember for me
Baby, if you can
How much you hated the woman
Who made you a man
And remember for me won't you
Back further before that
How you loved her like a boy
Cried from the joy
When you weren't laughing
No, I hated to pop the bubble
Of me and you
But it only held enough oxygen
For a trip or two
To the moon and back again
Do you remember when
Our love had such grace
We were floating above this whole place
So I hear these days you too
Are trying your hand at sleeplessness
A few more dizzying doppler lovers
And then a booming loneliness
How innocent the young student
On the day school has begun
When I said this was what I wanted
Did you think I thought it would be fun?
No, I hated to pop the bubble
Of me and you
But it only held enough oxygen
For a trip or two
To the moon and back again
Oh but I remember when
Our love had such grace
We were floating above this whole place
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5. _ You Each Time
There you were day after day
Six feet
Twenty feet
Two feet away
Right in my pocket singin me a song
Makin my heart race all day long
And we talked it out and we talked it down
But your eyes were not listening
And my ears were looking around
For another song to sing
But it was you each time
It was you
The answer to each moment must be yes
And the question: can you live with that?
Becomes the test
So you weigh it against that aching in your chest
And that secretly relentless emptiness
And you talk it out and you talk it down
But your eyes are not listening
And my ears are running around
Looking for another song to sing
But it is you each time
It is you
So my heart finally broke
It was so long bent
And it broke in three places
When it finally went
It wanted only to say what it meant
So it suffered every punishment
Now it lives in a shack outside of town
And only the wolves are out there listening
And in her dreams they chase her down
Their moonlit eyes are glistening
And it is you each time
It is you
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6. _ Grand Canyon
I love my country
By which I mean
I am indebted joyfully
To all the people throughout its history
Who have fought the government to make right
Where so many cunning sons and daughters
Our foremothers and forefathers
Came singing through slaughter
Came through hell and high water
So that we could stand here
And behold breathlessly the sight
How a raging river of tears
Cut a grand canyon of light
Yes, I've bin so many places
Flown through vast empty spaces
With stewardesses whose hands
Look much older than their faces
I've tossed so many napkins
Into that big hole in the sky
Bin at the bottom of the Atlantic
Seething in a two-ply
Looking up through all that water
And the fishes swimming by
And I don't always feel lucky
But I'm smart enough to try
Cuz humility has buoyancy
And above us only sky
So I lean in
Breathe deeper that brutal burning smell
That surrounds the smoldering wreckage
That I've come to love so well
Yes, color me stunned and dazzled
By all the red white and blue flashing lights
In the American intersection
Where black crashed head on with white
Comes a melody
Comes a rhythm
A particular resonance
That is us and only us
Comes a screaming ambulance
A hand that you can trust
Laid steady on your chest
Working for the better good
(Which is good at its best)
And too, bearing witness
Like a woman bears a child:
With all her might
Born of the greatest pain
Into a grand canyon of light
I mean, no song has gone unsung here
And this joint is strung crazy tight
And people bin raising up their voices
Since it just ain't bin right
With all the righteous rage
And all the bitter spite
That will accompany us out
Of this long night
That will grab us by the hand
When we are ready to take flight
Seatback and traytable
In the upright and locked position
Shocked to tears by each new vision
Of all that my ancestors have done
Like, say, the women who gave their lives
So that I could have one
People, we are standing at ground zero
Of the feminist revolution
Yeah, it was an inside job
Stoic and sly
One we're supposed to forget
And downplay and deny
But I think the time is nothing
If not nigh
To let the truth out
Coolest f-word ever deserves a fucking shout!
I mean
Why can't all decent men and women
Call themselves feminists?
Out of respect
For those who fought for this
I mean, look around
We have this
Yes
I love my country
By which I mean
I am indebted joyfully
To all the people throughout its history
Who have fought the government to make right
Where so many cunning sons and daughters
Our foremothers and forefathers
Came singing through slaughter
Came through hell and high water
So that we could stand here
And behold breathlessly the sight
How a raging river of tears
Is cutting a grand canyon of light
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7. _ Origami
I am an all powerful amazon warrior
Not just some sniveling girl
So no matter what I think I need
You know I can't possibly
Have a need in this world
Come and come for that sweet sweetness
I'll be your never ending vending machine
I could never need to be alone
Never need to be my own
As much as you need your queen
I know men are delicate
Origami creatures
Who need women to unfold them
Hold them when they cry
But I am tired of being your savior
And I am tired of telling you why
And since when did this me me me
Become the be all and end all of me
Oh listen to you talk to me
Long time love has got to breathe, babe
You got to let it ebb and flow
If you want a ball to bounce
You gotta let it go
Just let it go
I know men are delicate
Origami creatures
Who need women to unfold them
Hold them when they cry
But I am tired of being your savior
And I am tired of telling you why
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8. _ Akimbo
What dreams cause me
To abandon my pillow each night?
Push away each of them, in fact
Since there always seem to be more than one
Then wake to aching stiff neck twisted
Tits and face smashed against the mattress
Legs and arms akimbo
Like the high pitched body of a jumper
Waiting for her chalk outline
Finally at rest
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9. _ Bodily
You broke me bodily
The heart ain't the half of it
And I'll never learn to laugh at it
In my good natured way
In fact I'm laughing less in general
But I learned a lot at my own funeral
And I knew you'd be the death of me
So I guess that's the price I pay
I'm trying to make new memories
In cities where we fell in love
My head just barely above
The darkest water I've ever known
You had me in that cage
You had me jumpin through those hoops for you
Still, I think I'd stoop for you
Stoop for your eyes alone
From that bomb shell moon in yet another lovely dress
To the deep mahogany sheen of a roach
I am trying to take an appreciative approach
To life in your wake
I focus on the quiet now
And occasionally I'll fall asleep somehow
And emptiness has its solace
In that there's nothing left to take
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10. _ Platforms
Life knocked me off my platforms
So I pulled out my first pair of boots
Bought on the street at astor place
Before New York was run by suits
And I suited up for the long walk
Back to myself
Closer to the ground now
With sorrow
And stealth
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11. _ Educated Guess
Looks like my crazy family
Is down one crazy daughter cuz
I'm shipwrecked in a desert that
Once was underwater just
Looking for a swift turn of phrase
Some colors to fly
As I float by
In the parade
Plus I dream in skin scented sentences
Of a stronger faster fiercer you
And to each noun, verb and predicate
I dedicate a vivid hue
But you ain't done too well
Getting past your permanent pastel
Have you now?
Yes, the desert seemed so promising
And then it paled somehow
So school is in session
Get your chin off your desk
Now pick up your pencil
And turn over your test
Use your education
And take an educated guess
About me
I've got a slot at eye level like
A speakeasy door
And I know you know the password
Cuz I've seen you here before
And I've got something sweet for you
And I don't care if it is more than you deserve
I've got a lot of love and a lot of nerve
So watch me while I take this curve
Yes school is in session
Get your chin off your desk
Now pick up your pencil
And turn over your test
Use your education
And take an educated guess
About me
Plus I have this whole new family
And I'm in love with each of them
And I'm on this list called lucky
Whenever I'm in reach of them
And I'm learning how to say
That I'd be happy either way
With your love
I'm calling on the stars above
School is in session
Get your chin off your desk
Now pick up your pencil
Turn over your test
Use your education
And take an educated guess
About me
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12. _ Rain Check
As dolls go I am broken
And you could just let that get us off the hook
But from under the umbrella of the unspoken
I see you giving me that look
Baby, you're right as rain about the benefits
But you might be wrong about the costs
And it feeds my heart that you came looking for me
But I'm thinkin I need to stay lost
So I won't say I saw you fibbing
Or jump-jigging across the floor
I won't say you walked me to my car
And draped your arm on my open door
I know my mind is made of matter
But I need to know exactly
What is the matter at it's core?
Because my heart is just a muscle
And simply put, it's sore
So never mind about the benefits
And never mind about the costs
That don't change the basic premises
In which I am surely lost
So I won't say I saw you fibbing
Or jump-jigging across the floor
I won't say you walked me to my car
And draped your arm on my open door
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13. _ Bliss Like This
I said Venice
You heard Vegas
Now I say either way
Baby let's go
I get so shaky
And I just can't shake it
I bliss like this
I'm one of those
But I don't wanna wear you
Wear you like a band-aid
Wave you like a ticket
Out of my good grief
I just wanna know you
Know you like I know my garden
What you smell like when you're bloomin
What lives underneath
Deep down underneath
Way down underneath
We do a whole lotta laughin
At the shyness that surrounds us
I do a whole lotta lookin
Somewhere else
I don't need to look
No, I can just feel you
Besides every time I see you
It just forces me to look at myself
Cuz I get so shaky
And I just can't shake it
I bliss like this
I'm one of those
And I said Venice
And you heard Vegas
But now I say either way
Let's go
C'mon baby let's go
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14. _ The True Story Of What Was
The light blue flickering rhythm
Of the neighbor's big console T.V.
Is basking on the ceiling
Of another insomniac spree
And outside sleep's open window
Between the drops of rain
History is writing a recipe book
For every earthly pain
Oh to clean up the clutter of echoes
Coming in and out of focus
Words spoken
Like locusts
Sing and sing
In my head
And thing is
They often seem
In my memory's long dream
To be superfluous to
The true story of what was
Cuz
Real is real regardless
Of what you try to say
Or say away
Real is real relentless
While words distract and dismay
Words that change their tune
Though the story remains the same
Words that fill me quickly
And then are slow to drain
Dialogues that dither down reminiscent
Of the way it likes to rain
Every screen
A smoke screen
Oh to dream
Just for a moment
The picture
Outside the frame
Then in a flash
The light blue horizon
Spanning a sudden black
Is sucked into the vanishing point
And quiet rushes back
To search for the downbeat
In a tabla symphony
To search in the darkness
For someone who looks like me
(Though I'm not really who I said I was
Or who I thought I'd be)
Just a collection of recollections
Conversations consisting
Of the kind of marks we make
When we're trying to get a pen to work again
A lifetime of them!
Cough |
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