Math And Other Problems

I was the kind of kid back in school
Who wore a members only jacket, thought he was kool
That's when i met katrina, she was best friends with seshel
I thought she was the one, yeah i thought she was special
I saw her in the hall about quarter til three
I said i'll take you in my nova, to the tasty freeze
She said i know all about you, more than i should
I know all about the dirty mags you keep in the woods

(chorus)
So tell me how i'm supposed to be when i've been stalked by a lesbian
I can't sleep a wink, and i'm married to the ephedrine
How am i supposed to sleep when i've been stalked by a lesbian now

Now don't take it light, it might seem funny to you
Yesterday my science project, was covered in glue
So i asked that guy seshel, was it something i said
He said quit being so fuckin' paranoid, it's all in your head
The way she's looking at me, i think she wants me to be,
The guy that always gets shot in every movie you see
Oh god she's walking this way, oh god what should i say,
I hope and pray that one day she'll be straight

(chorus)

So i was at a bar the other night and i looked across the room and there's this girl and she walks up to me and she's beautiful and she says 'hey, i'm katrina, dude, remember me?' and i freaked
D 'oh my god i thought you looked familiar' about this time this 400 fucking pound woman walks up with katrina's face tattooed on the side of her neck, she comes waddling and says 'don't fuck wi
Girl' i looked at jabba straight in the fucking eye and say 'don't worry every time i picture katrina's face it's gonna be on the side of your gross, fat-assed, 3 chinned neck' she says 'are y
Upid?' i say 'no i'm just sober!'**

(chorus)

And she beat the shit out of him

Get off my heart
Cuz you've been standing on it all day
Can my lips part
With the words that i want to say

And as i run into the walls cuz i don't have the balls to run over him
You just sit in the dark there alone where he parks there, resisting sin

And when the angels start to sing
And when my ears beginning to ring
I think i'm crazy cuz i sing
For the rich girl

Where do i start
Please pull the splinters from my knees
I tried so hard
To get you to be seen with me
And does the leopard print book full of phone numbers look like a cover up
Cuz i got too much pride to let this one slide
And to try and go and fuck this up

Well i heard it all before
But this deserves an explanation
From the underwear on the floor
Please excuse the exclamation
Shit, i thought for a certain that i'd make it through the season
But your skills at love, they sure do suck
So don't give me a better reason

And it's a sad sad situation
That love created jealousy

It's the last sleep you'll get tonight
It's the last fight you'll have to fight
It's the last time i'll be coming around

And i know you know it's true
Everything's on 1 condition
And tell me where the hell you were you
When i came down to the station?
Well i keep a box of sticks and stones in the back seat of my car
Just in case i see your face with another face for you to scar

Don't call
Don't write
You know you've lost it when you still keep trying
But i can't spit back in your face

Don't make a fuss, don't make a sound
I don't want this song to get shot to the ground
You're on the phone, i'm all alone
And my heart feels about 70 pounds
Tell the waiter that you're done
And you'd like it in a box to go
I don't think that there's a box big enough to put it in

And when you come home late at night
And your conscience carries an appetite
Take a fork and tear it apart
Come on baby eat my heart

Stepping on pedals and breaking strings
These are all a few of my favorite things
But you don't approve so i think i'm gonna move
And i'll have my ass out of the house by spring
Tell your mamma that i tried
But i cannot carry both of the loads
I don't think that there is a a box big enough to put them in

And when you come home late at night
And your conscience carries an appetite
My whole world is falling apart
Wash your hands before you start
Come on baby eat my heart

What can i do
1st i think, the i lose
Did your parents ever tell you that you were no good at all
What's a guy to do, scrape this mud off my shoe

My whole world is falling apart
Wash your hands before you start
Take a fork and tear it apart
Come on baby eat my heart

You make me crazy, although i'm sane
You keep the top down in the rain
But i do like where you're going
And i love it when you say
That you wouldn't have it any other way

You make me nervous, but i can't fake it baby
Shoot up my lips with novocaine
Cuz i like to be this tempted
And especially when you say
That you wouldn't want it any other way

And i just about cried when i pictured the scenario
Of you screaming out could you please turn up the radio
This is my favorite part of the ride
Watching our cars collide

You never told me, about this table baby
That you reserved on 2nd street
But i like italian coffee
And i love it when you say
That you wouldn't drink it any other way