1. _ Keep It Greasey
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
"hi-ho silver!"
Way!
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n
Grease it down
I'll drive you through
The heart of town
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n
Grease it down
I'll drive you through
The heart of town
"hi-ho silver!"
Hey, the good women,
They sure has it tough
The good men, well
There just ain't enough
All the good girls are
Lookin' all the time
Good silver 's
Something that
They can't find
'cause if they
Find one miraculously
They try to be lovin'
As they can be
'cause if they find
One and let him go
Chances are they
Might not never find
One no mo'
So they
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Way!
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n
Grease it down
I'll drive you through
The heart of town
A good lovin' man
Is hardest to find
A good woman needs
To ease her mind
And i know a few that
Need to ease it behind
All y'gotta do is
Grease it down
'n everything is fine
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease
It down
I'll drive you through
The heart of town
A girl don't need
No fancy grease
To get herself
Some rump release
Any kind
Of lube 'll do
Maybe from another
Part of you
Lube from the north
Lube from the south
Take a little slobber
"hi-ho silver!"
From the side of
Your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
From your mouth
...
Grease it down
Here come that crazy
Screamin' sound...
"hi-ho silver!"
"thank you, masked man!"
"hi-ho silver!"
...
Ok: everybody!
"hi-ho silver!"
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Keep it greasey
So it'll go down easy
Roll it over 'n grease it
Down, down, down
Grease it down...
Oh no no no! here comes
That screamin' sound
Again...
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2. _ Tiger Roach
Captain beefheart (vocals)
Frank zappa (guitar)
Janschi (bass)
Vic mortenson (drums)
This album is not available to the public ...
Even if it were, you wouldn't wanna listen to it!
[mouth noises]
Iron man!
[screams]
That's fine!
Tiger spine!
Work out!
Monza blocks!
Light switch!
Roaches' smocks!
Ice cream!
What a dream!
Memories of
Flyin' machines!
Green lantern!
Funny lizard!
Three-way!
Out'sight!
Buddy learns!
See spot run!
Work out!
Have some fun!
Yeah ...
[screams]
[screams]
Wilhelmina!
Mildew!
[screams]
Billboard!
Night light!
Hammerhead!
Outta sight!
In baghdad
Roaches fly!
Outta sight!
'cross the grassy sky!
Anvils fly!
Mountains burp!
Turpentine!
[deano/duno/tuna/tina werp?]
Lord gosh!
Oooh ...
[rush eye / musheye?] ...
[harp imitation, screams and coughs]
What's that noise?
Looks like green!
Maybe it's purple?
[spotlight / spot eye?]!
Hammer law?
Bend iron!
So fine ...
Tiger roach!
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3. _ I'm A Band Leader
Captain beefheart (vocals)
I'm a band leader. not only can i drink a whole lot, but i play 23 different instruments , too and i don't even know how to read music. self-taught, you know. couldnt tell it, though, to hear me play. when i play and sway in rhythm to the catchy little tunes that i know for five miles around get hot pants for me, hotcha!
Last night was pretty good for a wednesday. we got ten requests for, we got bill bailey, and we played them all and we got seven people came up for the twist contest. i gave away a box with two small bottles of champagne imported from europe (heh) and kissed the girl who won and shook hands with the guy she was with. he didnt mind when i kissed her because i'm important.
We have a new routine. been working on it for three weeks or more. i pretend i'm a queer and the sax player pretends he's a queer, too, and later on in the show, (thisll kill ya) we kiss each other so that it looks to the audience like we kiss each other on the mouth. (heh). when we go... into a fast number, god, the people love it! wait... till... we... get to las vegas!
(ha-heh-heh)
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4. _ Alley Cat
Captain beefheart (lead vocals)
Frank zappa (guitar)
Winged eel fingerling (elliot ingber) (slide guitar)
Drumbo (john french) (drums)
You may find me, baby
Yeah, this street
With my slippery fists
Knock it like this n
Knock it like that
With my heart in a cage
Tucked up under my hat
Fluttering like a little black bird, yeh
Just seen his furs, pussycat
Got my umbrella up in front, yeah
And over my head
Ready to beat you, baby,
If you don't let me in
Cuz its raining
Cuz its raining,
Baby outside
Well i'm tired and cold and hungry
Been knocked like this an
Knocked like that
Dont see that bad backyard
Alley cat
I want dis little pussy
Baby wants some o dis
And some o dat
Dont treat me, baby, like your
Any old alley cat
Alley cat
Alley cat
Alley cat
Dont treat me, baby, like your
Any old alley cat
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5. _ Sweet Leilani
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Lowell george (guitar, vocals)
Roy estrada (bass, vocals)
Don preston (keyboards, electronics)
Buzz gardner (trumpet)
Ian underwood (alto saxophone)
Bunk gardner (tenor saxophone)
Motorhead sherwood (baritone saxophone)
Jimmy carl black (drums)
Arthur tripp (drums)
The mothers of invention!
Sweet leilani!
In a
Just pretend it was thirty years ago
And this is the first song of the night
For the kind of a band
That your mother and your father used to go and cream over
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6. _ Stinkfoot
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
In the dark
Where all the fevers grow
Under the water
(water)
Where the shark bubbles blow
In the mornin'
(mornin')
By yer radio
(radio!)
Do the walls close in t'suffocate ya
You ain't got no friends . . .
An' all the others: they hate ya
Does the life you been leadin' gotta go?
Well, let me straighten you out
About a little russian restaurant i know . . .
(get yer shoes 'n socks on people, it's right aroun' the corner!)
Out through the night
An' the whisperin' breezes
To the place where they keep
The imaginary diseases
Out through the night
An' the whisperin' breezes
To the place where they keep
The imaginary diseases . . .
Now scientists call this disease bromidrosis
(that's right!)
And well they should
Even napoleon knows that
But us regular folks
Who might wear a tennis shoe
Or an occasional python boot
Know this exquisite little inconvenience by the name of:
Stink foot
Y'know, my python boot is too tight
I couldn't get it off last night
A week went by, an' now it's july
I finally got it off
An' my girl-friend cry
"you got stink foot! stink foot, darlin'
Your stink foot puts a hurt on my nose!
Stink foot! stink foot! i ain't lyin',
Can you rinse it off, d'you suppose?"
Here fido . . . fido . . .
Here fido . . . bring the slippers little puppy
Yes, that's a good dog! yes!
"arf, arf, arf!"
[crash-crumble-bump-bump-bump]
Sick . . .
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
We have a song for you about flying saucers
This song is going to be sung for you by george
And the name of the song is inca roads
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7. _ The Black Page #2
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8. _ Pygmy Twylyte
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
Green hocker croakin'
In the pygmy twylyte
Crankin' an' a-coke'n
In the winchell's do-nut midnite
Out of his deep on a 'fore day run
Hurtin' for sleep in the quaalude moonlight
Green hocker in a greyhound locker
Smokin' in the pygmy twylyte
Joined the bus
33rd seat
Doo-doo room
Reek replete
Crystal eye, crystal eye
Got a crystal kidney & he's fraid to die
In the pygmy twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy twylyte
Downer midnite
Pygmy twylyte
Downer midnite
Waahhh! wait a minute
Don't spray that stuff in my eyes
All we're tryin' to do is to have a little party
Somebody tell me if the bluesy ... was your little party
Make me wanna jump up and down
I said aaahhh!
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Tush tush
Honey, honey
Too young!
Honey, honey
Wait a minute!
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Honey, honey
Get him down
Get him down
Get him down
What you're gonna do
When your time is up?
What you're gonna do
When your time is up?
Are you gonna take me?
What are you gonna be?
I might just tell you please
What are you gonna say?
One thing
I wanna know
One thing, baby
I wanna know
I wanna know
I wanna know...
Right over there, there's a
Doo-doo room
Right upstairs there's a
Doo-doo room
Right out back here there's a
Doo-doo room
In perellis' pocket there's a
Doo-doo room
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9. _ Room Service
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
Hallo! hello!
Hello!
Is this room service?
Hello?
Hallo?
Is this room service at the hotel leningrad?
Oh, oh, oh, jawohl!
What would you like...?
Yeas, this is room service
Look here, buddy
Yeas, what would you like?
Oh, i'm so hungry!
You know, when you're a tourist and everything
And you travel around, you know
Going to all the neat little shops
Ten marks, costs you ten marks
I'm so hungry!
This call is going to cost you ten marks
You got to understand that in the fo..., in the front
Look here
Everything costs ten marks
Ivan, listen
Ivan, that's me
Jawohl
Look
You're going to sleep
You're going to sleep
I am so hungry
Can you bring me something to eat right away?
Bouillia... bouilliabai?
No bouilliabai
Bouilliabai?
No boogie-a-bay
How's about boogie-the-bay?
No boogie-woogie-the-bay
How's about a fishie with the eye fallin' out?
Fish with...? hey, that sounds delicious!
Send me some fish with the eyes falling out
How about a little sand over it?
That'll make it...
Sand on the fish, yes, a sand-fish
That be ten marks
Do you have a sand-fish here?
Sand-fishie?
The eye's ten marks
The fishie is forty
Hey!
Hey, listen!
Jawohl!
The people in your country certainly are charming
You know where i can get some pussy?
Ah...
Never mind, look
This is very, this is very respectable hotel, you understand
Just send me up...
You tell to bring pussy in here?
We spray you with lace!
Oh, well...
Right in the face!
Oh, well...
You don't bring no pussy in this hotel!
Ahhah, okay...
Who do you think we are anyway?
Well, i guess you told me...
Are you a christian?
Am i... yeah, i'm a christian, sure!
Isn't everyone?
Ah, okay, you can bring...
Well you can bring some pussy in here if you're a christian
That's a difference...
Sure, if i'm a christian that means i get some pussy, right?
That's right, that's cool, if you're a christian
Okay
You also get bouilliabai with it
Yeah, hey, great!
Look...
And the fish with the eye fallin' out
I want you to send me some pussy
One pussy
Some fish with the eyes falling out
One fish with the eye falling out
Some bouilliabai
Some bouilliabai
And a bible
And a what?
And a giddeon bible
And a giddeon bible?
Okay, we also bring you the finnian bible
The phoenician bible?
No, the finnian bible, to go with the giddeon bible
The finnian bible
The finnian and the giddeon go together here
This is a terrible connection,
I can hardly hear you
But look, buddy,
Can you please get that stuff up to my room in a hurry?
I'm so hungry
We shall send it up by the southern pacific railroad
Fast ah?
That is very fast
So fast you can never know
..........
Cape cape cape kansas
Cape cape cape kansas
Cape cape cape kansas
Cape cape cape kansas
You will also like to have a little visit
Hello, hello, hello
Room service?
Hallo?
Hey buddy!
You did not get your order?
No, listen, it's a...
You were not pleased with the pussy?
You don't like americans very much here, do you?
Oh, you american! that'll be twenty marks!
Yeah, twenty... right
Well, i don't care how much it costs, you know,
Just get it up to my room in a hurry because i'm so hungry
Well, you have to understand
If we didn't bring it up there too fast
It's probably because of the... the long summer that we had here,
You see
You had a long summer and that's why...?
We had a very long summer, about that fast
Heh heh
That's how long it was, like that
Now listen!
Wait a minute!
You get that food to my room right away
Room number?
Or i'm gonna call the american embassy
What?
You mean what am i going to call them?
Why?
I'm going to call them a barrel of motherfuckers
That's what i'm gonna call them
Well i know who's gonna bring it up to you right away
Mart, mart, mart perellis
Mart, mart, mart perellis
Mart, mart, mart perellis
Mart, mart, mart perellis
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10. _ Kenny's Booger Story
Kenny williams (vocals)
Frank zappa (guitar)
Kenny:
Before, uh while i was away in boarding school lived with ronnie by the name of dwight demith. uh, used to live there with ronnie an' they would uh, instead of blowing their nose on a handkerchief they would, uh, stick their finger up in their nose and uh, pull out all their boogers an' smear em' on the window. uh, i don't know, i always thought it was crazy, an' it didn't look good, an' after a while, i mean you couldn't see out the window! he-hunh!
Fz:
Did you ever do that?
Kenny:
Uhh, i may have added one or two on there, yeah.
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11. _ Ronnie's Booger Story
Ronnie williams (vocals)
Frank zappa (guitar)
Ronnie:
We lived in a little room, man. it was, it was probably a fourth as big as, as your livin' room, frank. (cough) and uh, everytime we picked a booger we'd flip it on this one winduh, or wipe it there if we couldn't flip it there, y'know. and uh, i guess dwight stayed with me for about....'bout seven months, wasn't it? six months? and uh, every night we'd contribute, y'know, two or three or four boogers, y'know. and when he left, uh my mom knew what was goin' on all the time but we thought we had her hoodwinked. y'see, she was smarter than we, what, than what we were. an' she made us clean 'em off, y'know? we used ajax and we couldn't get them things...we had to use a... had to use a putty knife, man, to get them damn things off the winduh. you couldn't even see out the winduh with all them boogers, man. i'm not kiddin' you (sniff). an' it was big ones too, an little, and there was some goober ones that weren't even hard man, you'd just smear 'em, young ones. it's like fro-you've seen f
rosted glasses. that wind
Uh was just like a frosted glass with spots all over it, y'know? and uh, (sniff) it was- it was no good. although, th-that was the good ol' days, though.
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12. _ Babbette
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
Don't tell me no, babbette
(i mean duke)
Don't you tear my dream
Don't you break my heart
Darling, we could share a love so fine
Please, darling, won't you be mine
Don't tell me no, babbette
Can't you see that i
Don't wanna make you cry
You're the only one like this before
Please, babbette, it's you i adore
You i a-do-re
Oh!
Oh, how i want you
I really really want you
I need your love to guide my way
Oh! oh! oh!
Oh, how i need you
I really really need you
Don't try to bark
And i'll take you to the park
Arf! arf! arf!
No, babbette,
Don't you tear my dream
Don't you break my heart
Oh-wow-wow-woh!
We could share a love
We could share a love...
We-e-e-e could share a life...
You know
Babbette
I know i had to go on a tour with zappa
And so marty said to his ever babbette
Well, you know
When i need a little bit of your lovin', babbette
I brought along a whistle around my neck
So i can call you babbette
I said wah-ah-aahh!
Could nobody hear that whistle for babbette?
Woh! it's a strange dog-whistle
The only dog that could answer the great things
Is a german shepherd
Golden man pinches...
All marty's women
You know i said
No, no, no, babbette
Share my love
Don't make me cry-y
Don't make me cry
Oh-oh! no-oh, no-oh, no-oh, babbette
Share my love
Don't make me
Don't make me
Don't make me cry-y-y
Oh-wow-wow-wow-woh!
Arf, arf, arf, arf, arf!
Please,
(that's what marty said to all his dogs)
(marty, there's a phone call for you!)
Please!!!
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13. _ Nig Biz
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ray white (guitar, vocals)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Bobby martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Ed mann (percussion)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
I signed on the line
For seven long years
They said i'd be a big star
They said i'd get a big car
All the coke i could tube
All the dope i could shoot
All the smoke i could smoke
But now i'm bein' off 'n broke
They said i oughta re-record
The tracks of my tears
They said: "hey! this is it!
It's gonna be a big hit"
With my name up in lights
And some custom-made tights
All the girls call my name
(massimo!)
But it was all just a game
Nigger biznis
Nigger biznis
Well, nigger biznis all the time
Well, nigger biznis has brought disaster
On top of this here heart of mine
(well, now's the time to play the blues!)
Well, one day that contract will expire
One day i will be free
From that nig-ger, nig-gig-gig-ger, nigger biznis
All this nigger biznis
All this repressing me nigger biznis
Nigger biznis
Oh, nigger biznis all the time, all along
Well, nigger biznis has brought destruction
Which is why you're here in this song
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14. _ Charva
Frank zappa (vocals, piano, bass, drums)
Charva, i loved you
I loved you through and through
I loved you since in grammar school
When we were sniffing glue
I loved you purty baby doll
And i don't know what in the world
To do about it
Boppa-bah-boppa-choo-wah
Charva, my darling
The only love i had
I hope you will forgive me dear
For punching out your dad
I loved you, i loved you
And i don't know what in the world
I'm gonna do about it
Ooohh-oh-oooh
Lahm-buh-buhm-buhm
I remember, remember the junior prom
And i remember the time i broke your father's arm
And i remember, remember all the love we shared
Every place and everywhere
Oh charva, charva
I love you more and more
I swear it aint because your father owns a liquor store
Charva, my baby
I love you and i don't know what to do about it
Oh-oh charva
Ooooohh
Oh-oh charva
Ooooohh
Come back my little darling charva
I love you so much honey
Come back to me charva
Please charva, please come back to me
I miss you so much
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15. _ Mount St. Mary's Concert Excerpt
The next piece that we're going to play...
(audience laughter)
Maybe i should tell you what we were doing.
(more audience laughter)
The, the signals that we are giving i'll explain to you very simply. this means 'free improvisation' and finger symbols told the performers which of the fragments they were to uh, play at any given moment. anyway, the next piece that we're going to play is in standard notation, and it's actually pretty tame compared to the other five. it's called the collage two, and it was written last thursday.
(audience laughter)
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16. _ Ronnie Sings?
Ronnie williams (vocals)
Frank zappa (guitar)
(cough)
Fz: what key do you wanna do it in?
Ronnie: try maybe, uh, d flat.
Uh, do it in c, do it in c!
Uh, do it, do it slop.
Do-do-dat-dat, do-do (clap-clap)
(snork)
Yeah, that's pretty good. ba-ba-ba-bump,
Ba-ba-ba-bah-bahdily-bum-bow.
Bo-do-do-diddly-dow,
Bung-bow-do-bom-bom.
(laugh)
Bo-do-dung-dow-dodee-do-do-do-do-do
Do-do-do-dodn-dada
Doo-doo-da-da,
Dadn-dadn-da-da
Da-dadl-da-da-da
Dadn-diddly-dadn-diddly-dung-
De-dong-bong-bom-de-diddly dung dung
Ba-badn-boooo,
Rum-pum-badn-rum-pum-bung-bung-bung
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17. _ The Blackouts
Wayne lyles (vocals)
Terry wimberly (piano)
Elwood jr. madeo (guitar)
Frank zappa (drums)
So, uh, i'd just like to tell you about a little incident at shrine auditorium. um, well, see we made this scene down there, we walked in, and this..this place is big, y'know, real big, y'know? an' everybody was gonna be there. louis armstrong and his boys were gonna be there, (titans) an' the titans, (velvetones too) and the velvetones, and the blackouts, so let me tell you about this scene... (we made the scene, that is obvious) ????? the velvetones think they're lawrence welk.
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18. _ Building A Girl
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19. _ Ruthie-ruthie
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark volman (vocals)
Howard kaylan (vocals)
Jim pons (bass, vocals)
Don preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
I, i can't see you, but i know that you're out there...
It's that little voice...
That same little voice at all of the concerts,
Of the guy in the back of the room
Okay...?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
A couple a years ago,
There was a guy that used to come
To all the concerts on the east coast
I swore i heard him every night for a month
That he was somewhere in the audience
Anyway, it's this little voice, and he would say:
"freak me out frank!
Freak me out!
Freak me out frank!"
Okay, here we go!
Arf arf! ?!?!?!?
Arf!
Ruthie-ruthie
Where did you go?
Oh, ruthie-ruthie
Where did you go?
Last night, i tried to ... her
This burned pennsylvania all ... your story
Right after ruth got through barfin'
She pushed the tray out the door
She rocks me compassionate
Ruthie-ruthie
Where did you go?
What could you do now,
What could you do?
Ruthie-ruthie
Oh yeah
What did you do?
Ruthie had on a thin night gown
She wouldn't fill it everywhere
No no no no
She pushed the tray out the door
Some guy tried to come in
She kicked him in the nose
She said: "oh oh oh oh!"
Ruthie-ruthie
What did you do?
(now, what did you do?
What did you do?
What did you do?)
Ruthie-ruthie
(ruthie-ruthie
That was the best thing anybody could do)
What did you do now?
Well, we have another song for you
That goes far beyond louie-louie,
Ruthie-ruthie, or even brian-brian
This song is so advanced
It takes us all the way from nineteen fifty-five
Directly to approximately nineteen fifty-seven,
Which is when it should have been written,
But actually it was written about nineteen seventy
This is a song,
We like to dedicate this song to marty, our road manager,
Who has a fondness for the k-nine species
And the orifice attendant thereto
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20. _ Advance Romance (in Album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 3 )
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
No more credit from the liquor store
My suit is all dirty boy, my shoes is all wore
I'm tired and lonely, my heart is all sore
Advance romance, i can't stand it no more
No more...
She told me she loved me, i believed what she said
She took me for a sucker boy, all corn-fed
The next thing i knew she had a bolt on the door
Advance romance, i can't use it no more
No more...
She took ike's watch like they always do
(it was a timex too).
Ahoo ahoo...
And a shame on you, yeah
No more money boy, i-i-i-i shoulda knew
Nennen hennin henninah...
Won't somebody go sit on ah...
Nennen hennin henninah...
Yes! he sure looks magic!
Hi-ho silver!
Tinsel chair!
The big jaws...
The way she do me boy
She might do you too!
Awfully big jaws, now!
The way she do me boy
She might do you too!
Shake up the...
I'll tumble for ya!
Oh no!
The way she do me boy
She might do you too!
You remember utah...
You know what happened...
Jaws!
Advance romance
People i am through
I'm through...
Potato-head bobby was a friend of mine
He opened three of his eyes in the food stamp line
He opened four of his eyes in the food stamp line
He opened five of his eyes in the food stamp line
He opened six of his eyes in the food stamp line
He said she might be the devil
Well, i don't know...
But she sure was fine...
Advance romance
He wanna try it one time
Just one time...
Later that night he drop on by
He told her all he wanna do is come up and say 'hi'
(hi-hi-hi...)
Half an hour later she had frenched his fry
Everybody:
Yodeloo yodeloo yodeloo oh
Frenched his fry
(isn't that amazing?)
Advance romance
Bobby say goodbye-ye-ye-yiee-i-ee-i-ee-i-ee-i
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21. _ Cops & Buns
Patrolman lefemine:
Now, we don't come up here because we feel like walkin' four flights at three o'clock in the morning.
Frank zappa:
Yeah.
Patrolman lefemine:
We were up here last night. (bark, bark) now for us-
Frank zappa:
Last night?
Patrolman lefemine:
Yes.
Frank zappa:
I wasnt here last night.
Patrolman lefemine:
Now for us to continually come up to this here place every night and not show no action other than to say, yes theres a , we look kinda bad. i mean. lets be honest. now if you had to give me any kinda reccomendation, or mark my word, a mistake, every night, 3-4, 2-4, betwen those hours you guys are at 53 e 10 st, what are you doin there every night? you mean you-you permit this kinda condition to continue on without once giving a summons?
Unknown:
Alright, your lawyer says to knock it off!
Patrolman lefemine:
Uh, were puttin ourselves over backwards with these people. do you know what were doin? do you know what were doin?
Frank zappa:
No, tell me. no, please tell me.
Patrolman lefemine:
Well this is, if were up here once were up here twenty times. i know that little guy, like the guy at the...like a long-lost brother. now if we ever get called down, if this ever goes to a big explosion, and they say, officer, what did you do, did you ever issue summonses?, they get ... this is all in the rekkid book, how many times we been up here. this is all rekkids...
Frank zappa:
M-hmm
Patrolman lefemine:
Now if these people wanna subpeona these rekkids, they could subpeona these rekkids. an they could find out how many times we been.. this is us on- wait! this is us alone! an they say, officer, what did you do? warn em? you mean to tell me you were up here about twenty times an you never issued a summons?
Unknown:
There have been summonses.
Patrolman lefemine:
Well, we never issued em! how many summonses have you gotten for noise? unknown:
What, me personally, or the studio?
Patrolman lefemine:
The studio, studio. unknown:
I don't know how many, but theres a court case pending right now..
Unknown:
We've gotten one.
Patrolman lefemine:
One! one! and how many times have i, eh, uh, hey listen! as i say, if i been up here once ive been up here twenty times already.
Frank zappa:
Hey look, stop it, pack that stuff up, stop making noise you guys!
Unknown:
Yeah, well, i understand
Patrolman lefemine:
Well, whose in charge here at the studio?
Unknown:
Here he is
In charge?
Patrolman lefemine:
In charge
He's more or less in charge
Patrolman lefemine:
Are you in charge? i don't run the studio.. i jus..
Patrolman lefemine:
Alright, listen, lemme tell you one thing
I'm in- i'm in charge
Patrolman lefemine:
Youre in charge at this point
Alright
Patrolman lefemine:
My name is patrolman lefemine
Frank zappa:
Here, have a bun.
Patrolman lefemine:
Now, as of tonight, right
Frank zappa:
You wanna bun?
Patrolman lefemine:
If i come back here, and every night that i do come back here, i don't care who says he's in charge, i will issue a summons
Frank zappa:
I'm issuing you a bun
Patrolman lefemine:
An anybody thinks its a great joke, you can all laugh in the car... we havent put out one hit record yet? my goodness. it takes a long time. you know what i mean.
Patrolman lefemine:
This is ridiculous!
Frank zappa:
Are you sure you don't want one o those breakfast rolls on your way down the stairs?
You better believe that i don't want nuthin
Who gets-who gets the summons, is the the organization?
Patrolman lefemine:
Whoever it is in charge at the time. he could say joe blow, i don't care what kind of a name he gives. then if the courts decide if they wanna know who he's takin orders from, theyll summons that person to court. thats all there is to it.
Alright. take care.
Right.
Okay.
Frank zappa:
Nighty-night!
(cough!)
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22. _ Tush Tush Tush (a Token Of My Extreme)
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
Everybody gotta say: "heh heh heh"
Oh yeah!
It's a, it, it,
It's about all the sunshine here in fin... fin... finland
And all that kinda stuff that makes you wanna have a little...
Tush tush tush
And then i told,
I said why don't you and me get together goin' up to my...
Wait a minute!
What's that you pullin' outa your mush?
But she, she said...
Wait a minute, i said what?
Heh heh heh
Napoleon says he don't use them things and he ain't...
What's wrong with you anyway?
But why would you use that for anyway?
I've never seen one like that in my life
What do you think i was ... like a little video?
Tush tush tush
Except when i laid in ah, wherever it was...
And ah...
Hey, wait a minute...
No, i ain't done much
She gave everybody in the group about twelve of them
Son-of-a-guns
And i said a black one, a pink one and a...
Heh heh heh
I said i could use them, so
I told i could use 'em either but she gave 'em
I owned 'em for about six months and then i could ...
But she said... ha, ha, ha!
Y'all is great!
It was nice and pretty though
Heh heh heh
But ruth said she wouldn't go give up
Unless you all use some of them kfmr...
And she said after the show, brian
All you have to do is come in to ring the bell and draw a
Three-hole
Heh heh heh ha ha ha
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
I must say that you guys are gonna take some cheese outta that
Restaurant
Tush tush tush
That's what i was tryin' to do last night
When that m... wouldn't let me in the god... pickin'
It's the protein and the energy and the...
Bafflin' to get me in her room...
Wouldn't let me in the hotel...
Wait a minute
Oh, i got a key to the...
Heh heh heh
Ladies and gentlemen!
Welcome to our program tonight
Which features ruth underwood on percussion,
Napoleon murphy brock on tush tush tush
Chester thompson on drums
Tom fowler on bass
And george duke on keyboards
And the name of the very first song that we're going to play
Tonight
Is stink-foot
(squeak squeak squeak)
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23. _ Once Upon A Time
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark volman (vocals)
Howard kaylan (vocals)
Jim pons (bass, vocals)
Don preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark bolman
Oh, thank you frank
And don't misspell it,
That's not marc bolan
That's mark volman
Hiya friends
I wanna welcome each and everyone of you
I wanna say to you tonight
I feel great
I mean, i feel great
Everywhere i go people are always comin' up to me
And they say mark, mark, mark
Mark are you kiddin'
Lemme tell you this friends:
I am not kiddin'
I mean, i am portly and i am maroon
Well, how many people here tonight can guess what i am?
Aaaah
I can't guess what you are
Well, then i'll give you some clues
And the first clue is
I am portly
Does that help?
Not much
No, i don't know who you are
Okay, i got one
Clue number two:
I am double knit
Does that help?
No, not much
Whaddya mean?
Well, then i've to give you one more clue
I know this is gonna give it away
And i hate like damn to tell you this
But clue number three:
Ich bin maroon!
Ahhhhhhhh you're a sofa!
Once upon a time
Way back a long time ago,
When the universe consisted of nothing more elaborate than
Mark volman ...
Thank you, frank
... trying to convince each and every member
Of this extremely hip audience here tonight,
That he was nothing more, nothing less
Than a fat maroon sofa,
Suspended in the midst of a great emptiness
A light shined down from heaven (* twinkling sounds *)
And there he was ladies and gentleman, the good lord
And he took, he took a look at the sofa,
And he said to himself
"quite an attractive sofa"
"this sofa could be commercial"
With a few more margaritas and the right company
However, i digress
"what this sofa needs" said the big 'g'
"is a bit of flooring underneath of it"
And so in order to make this construction project possible,
He summoned the assistance of the celestial corp of engineers,
And, by means of a cute little song in the german language
(which is the way he talks whenever it's heavy business)
The good lord went something like this:
(take it away jim pons!)
Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa
Everybody!
Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa
And of course ladies and gentlemen that means:
"give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa"
And sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness
As far as vision permits,
Stretching all the way from belfast to bogner regis
And the lord put aside his huge cigar
And proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa
The bulk of his message
With the assistance of a small electric clarinet
And it went something like this...
Take it away jim pons!
Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa
Everybody!
Gib zu mir etwas fussbodenbelag
Unter diesen fetten fliessenden sofa
And of course ladies and gentlemen, that means:
Give unto me a bit of flooring under this fat floating sofa
And sure enough boards of oak appeared throughout the emptiness as far as vision permits, stretching all the way from belfast to bagner regious and the lord put aside his huge cigar and proceeded to deliver unto the charming maroonish sofa the bulk of his message with the assistance of a small electric clarinet and he went something like... this:
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24. _ I Don't Wanna Get Drafted
Frank zappa (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards, vocals)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Terry bozzio (vocals)
Dale bozzio (vocals)
Ray white (vocals)
Ike willis (vocals)
Hello, anybody home?...special delivery!
Oh no!
Registered mail, you're gonna hafta sign fer this, buddy
Oh no!
Cmon, i know youre in there
Oh no!
(weep, weep, weep)
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna go
I don't wanna get drafted
(weep)
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna go
I don't wanna get drafted
No-oh-woh-oh-woh...
Roller skates 'n disco
Is a lot of fun
I'm too young 'n stupid
To operate a gun
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
My-y-y sister don't wanna get drafted
She don't wanna go
My sister don't wanna get drafted
My-y-y sister don't wanna get drafted
She don't wanna go
My sister don't wanna get drafted
No-oh-woh-oh-woh...
Wars are really ugly
They're dirty and they're cold
I don't want nobody
To shoot her in the fox hole, fox hole
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
I don't wanna get drafted
Wars are really ugly
They're dirty and they're cold
I don't want nobody
To shoot me in the fox hole, fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee...shot in the fox hole
Shot in the fox hole, shot in the fox hole
Shot in the fox hole, shot in the fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee...shot in the fox hole
Shot in the fox hole, shot in the fox hole
Shot in the fox hole, shot in the fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee...shot in the fox hole
Shot in the fox hole, shot in the fox hole
Shot in the fox hole, shot in the fox hole
Aiieeeeeeeee...shot in the fox hole
Shot in the fox hole, shot in the fox hole
Shot in the fox hole, shot in the fox hole
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25. _ Satumaa (finnish Tango)
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
We have now a special request
Bouilliabai, bouilliabai, bouilliabai...
Stroganoff, bouilliabai
Here we go...
No, you'd better leave the lights on, on stage
'cause we have to read this music,
We've never played it before
Aavan meren tuolla puolen jossakin on maa,
Missä onnen kaukorantaan laine liplattaa.
Missä kukat kauneimmat luo aina loistettaan,
Siellä huolet huomisen voi jäädä unholaan.
Oi jospa kerran sinne satumaahan käydä vois,
Niin sieltä koskaan lähtisi en linnun lailla pois.
Vaan siivetönnä en voi lentää vanki olen maan,
Vain aatoksin mi kauas entää sinne käydä saan.
Lennä laulu sinne missä siintää satumaa,
Sinne missä oma armain mua odottaa.
Lennä laulu sinne lailla linnun liitävän.
Kerro että aatoksissain on vain yksin hän.
Oi jospa kerran...
Translation of the first two finnish verses:
There's a land beyond the vast sea
Where waves wash on the shores of happiness
Where beautiful flowers always blossom
Where worries of tomorrow can be forgotten
Oh if once i could go to that fairytale land
Never would i leave from there like a bird
But without wings i cannot fly, i'm a prisoner of ground
Only in thoughts that reach so far can i ever there be
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26. _ The Dick Kunc Story
Dick:
I started out in florida, uh producing a record at a studio, and i got friendly with the engineer, and got interested in engineering. next thing i knew, i was listening to an album called 'freak out!' by the mothers of invention. i became very interested in their concept of music, their concept of, of uh, society in general, and their concept of humor, which i thought was very good, and uh enjoyed, because uh, they were saying a lot- whole lotta bunch of stuff that i wanted to say and i agreed with and thought was true. then one day i decided, 'i'll move to new york' because the air is clean, and the people are friendly, and everybody's in love. so i went to new york, and i got this job at this incredible twelve track studio. well, i didn't know from twelve track, i thought four track was really hot stuff. so i went in there and they said, 'here's the board. learn it.' he go, 'your first client's coming in in five minutes.' well, my first client was frank zappa,
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27. _ Carol, You Fool
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
Thank you!
Oh carol!
Oh carol!
You was a fool
Carol, you fool
You was a fool
Carol, you fool
Carol, you fool
Don't you know you're crazy
He won't be true
But your mind's a little hazy
He'll break your heart
Don't let it start
But if you think it's better
Go ahead and buy 'm a sweater
Carol, you fool
You think you got it so bad
(thank you!)
Tryin' to steel some money
Just to get some more of what you had
And he's got the dog
And he has no log
No, he won't come back
So put away your black-jack
You wanna try
(you wanna try)
To rob some mexican guy
(to rob a mexican guy)
Beat him on the head
(oh, you beat him on his head)
Maybe make him dead
(you just might make him dead)
Just so you can fly
(oh, you wanna fly)
From pittsburgh out to see him
(you said you really gotta see him)
Carol, you're a foolish fool
(carol, oh-oh, girl!)
You don't really need him
Carol carol
Carol carol
Fool fool
Fool
Carol, you fool
You wanna try
(you say that you wanna try)
(to rob some mexican guy)
To rob some mexican guy
(to rob a mexican guy)
(you wanna beat him on his head)
Beat him on the head
(please, don't beat him on his head, girl)
(but they wanna make him dead
And he wants me to ...)
Maybe make him dead
(you just might make him dead)
Just so you can fly
(you say you gotta gotta fly)
From pittsburgh out to see him
(ooh, you really gotta see him)
Carol, you're a foolish fool
(carol, oh-oh, girl!)
You don't really need him
Carol, you fool
I think you better try again
Carol, you fool
Don't wanna see you cry again
He's gone away
What can you say?
Carol, you fool
You'll meet another engineer
You was a fool
(car, carol, you fool)
Carol, you fool
(carol, you foolish girl)
You was a fool
(oh carol, you ah ah ah...)
Carol, you fool
(carol, you foolish, foolish girl)
You was a fool
(oh carol, you fool)
Carol, you fool
You!
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28. _ Ride My Face To Chicago
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
Ride my face to chicago
Ride it all night long
Ride my face to chicago
Ride it all night long
Say oo-wee-oo-oo
Oo-wee-oo-oo
You can say that!
Oo-wee-oo-oo
One more time!
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Oh, well
Ride my...
Ride my face to chicago
Ride it all night long
Ride my face to chicago
Ride it all night long
On board!
Oo-wee-oo-oo
The plane is leaving soon
Oo-wee-oo-oo
You must be on board for the ticket
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Will that be an isle or a window?
Ride my...
Ride my face
Ride my face
Ride my face
Ride my face to chicago
Ride it all night long
Ride my face to chicago
Ride it all night long
Say oo-wee-oo-wee-oo-wee-wee
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Oo-wee-wee-oo-wee-wee-oo-wee-wee
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Tell 'em what they're winning, aha!
Oo-wee-oo-oo
Ride my...
Ride my face
Ride my face
Barking fishermen
Ride my face
Ride my face
Fishermen
Ride my face
Ride my face
Ride my face
Ride by!
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29. _ Lost In A Whirlpool
Captain beefheart (vocals)
Bobby zappa (rhythm guitar)
Frank zappa (lead guitar)
Well, i'm lost in a whirlpool
Yeah, baby, my head is goin' round
Well, ever since my baby flushed me
Oh, i been goin round, yeah around and around
Well, i'm lost in this whirlpool
I keep goin' down and down
There's a big brown fish
Lookin at me
He aint got no eyes
How could that motherfucker possibly see
Ooh, baby baby
I'm gonna be afraid it gonna touch me
Well i'm lost in this whirlpool
Oh, i can't even see
Baby, won't you come help me
Pour some drano down,
And get the plunger right after me
I'll let you know a little secret, baby
I'm gettin' tired of all this pee
Don't go strange, mother goose
Ooh, my head's in a noose
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30. _ Chana In De Bushwop
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
Hana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
She live in a tree
(they call her chana in de bushwop)
Nine foot three
(they call her chana in de bushwop)
Larger than me
(she's a chana in de bushwop)
And she's a mystery
(she's a chana in de bushwop)
They call her chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Where she goes...
Nobody knows she eats a horse
(she's a chana in de bushwop)
It's very large of course
(like a chana in de bushwop)
She wears a dog
(chaka chana in de bushwop)
And she loves that frog
(chaka chana in de bushwop)
They call her chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Where she goes...
Nobody knows chana, chana, chana, chana
In de bushwop
Chana, chana, chana, chana
In de bushwop
Chana, chana, chana, chana
In de bushwop
Chana, chana, chana, chana
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
In de bushwop
Isn't that amazing???
She went to france
(like a chana in de bushwop)
And she tried to dance
(like a chana in de bushwop)
She raised a big fuzz
(like a chana in de bushwop)
In the back of the bus
(like a chana in de bushwop)
Gonna go to it with a long loaf of bread
Made a big mistake when it turned and said:
"chana in ze bushwop
Hey! nice volcano!
Chana in ze bushwop
Ho ho ho!"
She banged his head
(like a chana in de bushwop)
With a loaf of bread
(like a chana in de bushwop)
She had this sucker weepin'
(like a chana in de bushwop)
'bout that sausage he's keepin'
(like a chana in de bushwop)
He stood there weepin' on the crumb
She said: "isn't that amazing???" oh!
That's right! ... isn't that amazing???
Chana, chana, chana, chana
In de bushwop
Chana, chana, chana, chana
(it's on the house tonight!)
In de bushwop
Chana, chana, chana, chana
In de bushwop
Chana, chana, chana, chana
In de bushwop
Chana in de bushwop
From de bushwop
Chana from de bushwop
From de bushwop
Ooh!
Where'd she go?
Well, i don't know!
Idaho!
Ty-ee-ty-o!
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31. _ The Florida Airport Tape
Frank zappa (guitar, vocals)
Mark volman (vocals)
Howard kaylan (vocals)
Jeff simmons (bass)
George duke (keyboards)
Ian underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
Can i just ask somethin' to any...everybody here? did anybody see me puke on stage?
The tour of the country?
Yeah, did you?
I puked on stage
It started in san antonio
You puked on stage???
I did when i was right in the middle of singin' easy meat or somethin' and all of a sudden i started pukin' out of my mouth and i just put my hand over like that
Oh!
You didn't get it on film?
Outa-site!
Gimme that in slow motion...
I thought you guys all cut that... i got really sick from ah... that jumpin' around each time... all that scotch and wine? just weird, i only did it for about a second, you know it's just like a little sound-hooker i kinda shoved it back down my throat and went on stage
Right!
Yeah! that is strange man!
Ratzo rizzo!
He saved it because he might be hungry later
Uuhuu! keep the big pieces!
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32. _ Montana (whipping Floss)
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Napoleon murphy brock (saxophone, vocals)
George duke (keyboards, vocals)
Ruth underwood (percussion)
Tom fowler (bass)
Chester thompson (drums)
Whipping post!
Say that again please
Whipping post!
Whipping post? ok, just a second
(do you know that?)
Oh sorry, we don't know that one
Anything else?
Hum me a few bars of it...please
Just show me how it goes, please
Just sing, sing me whipping post
And then maybe we'll play it with you
Ooh-ooh-ooh
Thank you very much
And now...
Judging from the way you sang it,
It must be a john cage composition, right?
Here we go...montana
One two, one two three four
I might be movin' to...
Hold it! hold it!
We can't possibly start the song off like that!
Good god!!!
That's inexcusable!
What happened to you last night?
(george has a tape of it)
George has a tape of it?
Ok, we'll use that in the second show
Ready? montana...
Wait a minute...whipping post
No...montana
One two, one two three four
It's too fast for you!
One two, one two three four
I might be moving to helsinki soon
Just to raise me up a crop of
Dental floss
Raisin' it up
Waxen it down
Tying it to the whipping post
In the middle of town
But by myself i wouldn't
Have no boss,
Cause i'd be raisin' my lonely
Whipping post
Raisin' my lonely
Whipping post
Raisin' my lonely
Whipping post
Well i just might grow me some thongs
But i'd leave the hippy stuff
To somebody else...how 'bout chester?
And then i would
Get a person
Tie him up
To the whipping post
And beat the living shit out of him
So that guy in the audience was satisfied
But by myself i wouldn't
Have no boss,
'cause i'd be raisin' my lonely
Whipping post-floss
Movin' to montana soon
Gonna be a dental floss tycoon (how unique!)
Movin' to montana soon
Gonna be a mennil-toss flykune
(yes, it's such a ballad at this tempo)
Little booger-bear
Boogers everywhere
And now for the thrilling conclusion to that song...
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33. _ Diseases Of The Band
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (guitar, vocals)
Denny walley (slide guitar, vocals)
Warren cucurullo (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards, vocals)
Peter wolf (keyboards)
Ed mann (percussion)
Arthur barrow (bass)
Vinnie colaiuta (drums)
Hiya folks!
Alright, here's the deal,
This is our last show here in london
Gee, it's gonna be tough!
Got a few...a few of the boys are sick tonight
But they're still gonna...give you their all
I want to introduce you to the members of the rockin' teen-age
Combo and tell you which ones are sick and what they've got
Denny walley on slide and vocals
He has, he has an aluminum finger
And we're gonna have that removed
A little bit later in this show^lthis is ike willis
Ike has a...now ike, ike is our lead vocalist,
Our dynamic male vocalist
He's got a soar throat
And all sorts of other things are wrong with him
He'll never be able to get through this show
The only thing he's got to take care of is his knitted hat
And of course tommy mars,
Who also has stomach-flu, on keyboards
Do you have any other diseases tommy?
No? he's available! ok!
Ed mann on percussion
Ed is still healthy
Except, and he told me this backstage,
Except for his mental health
You have to expect these things in this kind of a group
And peter wolf on keyboards
There's, there...apparently there's nothing wrong with peter yet
(he's got stomach-flu too)
You have stomach-flu too?
Ooh, my goodness!
The circle is closing in
Okay, vince colaiuta on drums
Now, as you can see from looking at vince,
There's absolutely nothing wrong with him
(malnutrition)
Arthur barrow, our bass player has got a ...
He's having a lotta trouble
He's been very sick all day
Missed the soundcheck and everything
But he's gonna try
He's gonna try really hard
And of course: sophia warren on guitar
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34. _ A Few Moments With Brother A. West
Frank zappa (lead guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Mike keneally (rhythm guitar, synthesizer, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
Ed mann (vibes, marimba, electronic percussion)
Walt fowler (trumpet, flugel horn, synthesizer)
Bruce fowler (trombone)
Paul carman (alto saxophone, soprano saxophone, baritone saxophone)
Albert wing (tenor saxophone)
Kurt mcgettrick (baritone saxophone, bass saxophone, contrabass clarinet)
Scott thunes (electric bass, mini-moog)
Chad wackerman (drums, electronic percussion)
[this is spoken with the style and accent of an evangelist preacher from the southern united states.]
Thank you very much, mr. zappa.
Ah, i'm very pleased to be here on behalf of the administration-- the most powerful government in the world. and, uh, mr. fitzwater invited me to come here tonight to create some balance, because there has been some things done by mr. zappa that i think are unfair to our country.
I think, from the beginning, to say that this is going to be balanced, when he has this *lingerie* up here, and makin' fun of *children's toys*, as a beginning, if this is what he has in mind, i think he's wrong.
It's people like mr. frank zappa that kept the senate from being able to send arms to the democratic freedom fighters in nicaragua! and i, for one, am headin' down there myself, as soon as i finish up here tonight.
And i want the elected official, mr. charlie sanders the democrat, to remember that "democrat" begins with a "d", just like demon! and we'll remember you, friend, when it comes votin' time. and margaret boyd[?] and carmen belacord[?], despite ...[?] habit, did some help to back things up.
Friends, these forms cost money. and this money could be going towards a more powerful military; this money could be going towards driving out the illegal aliens. instead, mr. zappa wants to have a bunch of young, uninformed 18 to 21-year-olds votin' here, and spendin' your money.
And i just want you to know that tonight, i *love* him anyway. because i've got love in my heart, and i'm not afraid of the fact that he turned this into some kind of zoo up here.
Sunday--that's not fair, mr. zappa--sunday night used to be a night in which americans would get together. they'd go to their place of worship, and they would share. and i don't know why, on this night which is supposed to be valentine's night, there aren't more people that have a heart that have a love affair with america. but instead, they're here on sunday night, worshipping this man who's demon-possessed!
I ask you, mr. frank zappa, what kind of man can name a child moon unit? what kind of man can name a child weasel? what kind of man can name a child ohman? to me, it defies the logic.
And i'm comin' here tonight because i want to share with him, just the same way we're going to give spirit power to the democratic freedom fighters down there, our brothers that wanna have the freedom to be able to have a man like pat robertson. to have a man like mr. dole. restore, america!
And i'm gonna ask the power and the joy and the power of the living king of kings, and a lot of you here, you smut-minded, musical people say, "king of kings, that must be elvis". no, i'm gonna ask for the power and ask for the glory. i'm gonna now, i'm gonna tell you a story. i'm gonna drive out the demons, friends. i'm gonna ask you to help this badness end. come on frank, let's have a story. come on now share the glory. do you feel the power? come on, put out the negativity...
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35. _ Bobby Brown Goes Down
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (rhythm guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
Ooh...
A real hologram!
We sure do!
I mean: not real, but almost a real hologram
Hey there, people, i'm bobby brown
They say i'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Tiny heinie ho!
Here i am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp
I'm actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n' maybe later i'll rape her
Oh god i am the american dream
I do not think i'm too extreme
An' i'm a handsome sonofabitch
I'm gonna get a new glove 'n' be real rich
Get a good, get a good, get a good, get a good job...
Women's liberation
Came creepin' all across the nation
I tell you people, i was not ready
When i fucked this dyke by the name of freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick
Oh god i am the american dream,
But now i smell like vaseline
An' i'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am i a boy or a lady...i don't know which
I wonder...wonder...hi-ho silver!...
So i went out 'n' bought me a leisure mask
I jingle my change, but i'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks even think about tonso
Eventually me 'n' a friend
Sorta drifted along into s&m
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'long as i gets a little golden shower
Oh god i am the american dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' i'll do anything to get ahead
"hi-ho silver!"
Oh god, oh god, i'm so fantastic!
"hi-ho silver!"
And my name is bobby brown
And my name is bobby brown
"hi-ho silver!"
Way!
And my name is bobby brown
"hi-ho silver!"
Oh, never mind...
The name of this song is: "keep it greasey"
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36. _ The Groupie Routine
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Mark volman (vocals)
Howard kaylan (vocals)
Jim pons (bass, vocals)
Don preston (keyboards, electronics)
Ian underwood (keyboards, alto saxophone)
Aynsley dunbar (drums)
I mean, really, really, i mean, you guys,
What can i say, you guys are my favorite band
You gotta tell me somethin',
Are you here in hollywood long?
I mean, i just...
No, i'm ah, we're recording here in town
You're recording here?
Yeah, at the record plant
The record plant?
Yeah
Oh, bobby sherman records here
I just love bobby sherman and david cassidy
Do you know david cassidy?
No, i...
Have you ever run into any members of the tree dog night?
Joe shermy once i...
Oh! they are my favorite band!
They're so professional, i mean...
So creative...
How 'bout david crosby? i mean...
He's so in, you know, i...
No, i never...
He's...he just knows...
I mean, he almost cut his hair but he didn't
No, listen, ah, do you know how...
Do you know how to get to the chateau mormon from here?
Not exactly...is it by the, by the airport?
No no, we don't, we have a bus on this particular thing
Oh!
Yeah
Tell me one thing: do you like my new car?
Oh yeah! it's a...pavilion, isn't it?
Oh, not just a pavilion, it's a pauley pavilion
Oh!
Yeah, it's real futuristic,
I like the little naked man turn signals
So ah, we gotta get up, you know,
And ah, go to the studio in the morning
And then we groove court for about two weeks
And then we ah, we leave again
Oh, really?
Where do you play when you go from here?
Ah, let me see...needles...
Oh oh! you guys are so professional
No, it's nothing...
I mean the way you get to travel to all those exotic towns
You get to playin' and playin' in all these great sounding
Halls
Tell me somethin': do you really have a hitsingle in the
Charts now?
Right now, i mean, with a bullet?
That's really important
Listen baby, would i lie to you
Just to run my fingers through your pukes?
Don't talk to me that way!
I am not a groupie!
I never said that...
I'm not a groupie
Neither are my friends here
Jim and ian and aynsley and don and frank
None of us are groupies
Pleased to meet all you girls
Hiya howie...
Tell 'em, tell 'em, we don't...we aren't groupies
Howard
Yeah
We only like musicians for friends
That's right
You, you know, you understand?
We still wanna hear your record
You know, we still like to come in your bus
Listen now, on the other side of the record,
Didn't you say that you got off bein' juked
With a baby octopus and spewed upon with cream corn?
And that your hair-lipped queen-o-bassplayin' girlfriend
With the cross ties and the tits on her shirt
Had to have it with a hot seven-up bottle or you went up the
Wall?
Oh! howie...
What's the deal, mama?
Howie, all that's true, howie
And sometimes i even dig it with a jack-in-the-box ring job
But howie, we are not, we are not groupies, howie
I told robert plant that
I told elton john
I told steve stills
Yeah
And he didn't even wanna ball me
I can see that...
Listen, the thing is baby, i want some action, you know
I'm only here for a couple of weeks,
Recording at the record plant
With that naked statue in the bathroom and stuff...
I'm horny as fuck!
Listen to me...
I want a steaming, succulent, juicy, drippy, ever-widening
Kind of a smelly, slimy, many folded,
Sort of in-and-out contracting sphincter
Kind of a hole with a, with a, with a...
Let's see, there's gotta be a way i can put this discreetly
Let's say we hop in the isle over those guys
And the blewin' fuck baby!
Hey, hey, hey!
I'm in this band man...
I told you that many times
No matter what goes on
Listen! it just so happens tonight
I mean, this is unbelievable
Are you a virgo
No...
I mean, it just so happens tonight
Me and my girlfriends, well,
We came here lookin' for a guy from a group
Ah!
But just not any guy from any group
Yeah...
We're lookin' for a guy from a group with a dik
Well, i can show you!
But he's gotta have a dik which is a monster!
(wow!)
That's me!
You peeked!
That's me, you little westward wench nipple-queen!
Take me, i'm yours, you hole.
Fulfil my wildest dreams!
Oh! anything for you my most seductive pop star of a man.
Yeah?
Picture this if you can
Okay, i'll try...
Bead jobs
Knotted nylons
Bamboo canes
Three unreleased recordings of crosby, stills, nash & young
Fighting at the fillmore east.
Oh!
Two unreleased recordings of...of the grateful dead,
Sitting in with mel torme
Yeah!
No! i...
Oh! man! oh, i, i just...
I can't stand it!
Do you understand me baby?
I mean, i can't stand it!
I can't stand it!
I can't stand it!
...
I gotta see my baby!
I gotta...
I can't stand it!
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37. _ Drowning Witch (in Album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 3)
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (guitar, rhythm guitar, vocals)
Ray white (guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
Steve vai (guitar)
Tommy mars (keyboards)
Ed mann (percussion)
There's a ship arriving too late
To save a drowning witch
She was swimmin' along
Tryin' to keep a date
With a merchant marine
Who told her he was really rich
But it doesn't matter no more...
She's on the ocean floor
'n the water's all green down there
'n it's not very clean down there
'n water snakes
'n rusty wrecks
Is all that she can see
As the light goes dim
And she's tryin' to swim
Will she make it?
(boy, we sure hope so...)
Not even a witch oughta be caught
On the bottom of america's spew-infested
Ho-ho-ho, hey-hey...
She could get radiation all over her
She could mutate insanely... (aie-ee-aie)
She could mutate insanely... (earth wall)
Then you know
She could go on the freeway and grow up to be 15 feet tall
And very very scary-lookin'
And then...
Cars could crash all over the place
As a result of people with hawaiian shirts on...
Lookin' up to hear her go "ha ha ha..."
Sardines in her eyebrows...
Lobsters up 'n down her pudenda
All of them horribly large from graduation...
And smelling very bad
And dangerous!
Maybe a submarine could save her,
That's right! yes, that's true!
And bring her back just like a mud-shark...
Tell 'em what they win, bob!
Well, therefore ladies:
A full week's supply of gartenion's onion rings,
Bronco's new bondage-in-a-bottle!
It won't crack, it won't stake, it won't beat, it won't budge,
It won't bite the old fate...
And of course a brand new, absolutely brand new,
New, new, and of course, but also a new car!
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38. _ Cocaine Decisions (in Album You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol 3)
Frank zappa (lead guitar, vocals)
Ike willis (guitar, vocals)
Ray white (guitar, vocals)
Bobby martin (keyboards, saxophone, vocals)
Alan zavod (keyboards)
Scott thunes (bass)
Chad wackerman (drums)
Frank zappa:
Massimo, come here
Frank zappa:
Bring the band on down behind me, boys
Massimo bassoli:
Ragazzi per favore,
(please guys,)
Zappa vorrebbe dirvi di stare calmi,
(zappa would tell you to be calm,)
Di non gettare niente nello stadio
(to not throw anything into the stadium,)
E di non ... avere problemi con la polizia.
(and to not ... have troubles with the police.)
Cercate di stare calmi.
(try to be calm.)
Non sappiamo esattamente cosa sta succedendo
(we don't know exactly what is happening)
Pero' cercate di mantenere la calma
(but try to keep calm)
Cosi' si puo' andare avanti con lo spettacolo.
(so that the show can go on )
Frank zappa:
Seduti per favore
(please seat down)
Guy1:
Ma che e'?
(what's up?)
Guy2:
Hanno rotto, hanno rotto sta porta qui no ...
(they have broken, they have broken this door)
Hanno rotto sta porta qui
(they have broken this door)
Perche' veniva in campo
(because opens to the field)
Allora siccome la polizia si e'...
(then since the police is ...)
Con la porta aperta
(with the door opened)
Non voleva entrasse tutta la gente. capito?
(they didn't want all people in. understand?)
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39. _ It Can't Happen Here
Frank zappa
It can't happen here
It can't happen here
I'm telling you, my dear
That it can't happen here
Because i been checkin' it out, baby
I checked it out a couple a times, hmmmmmmmm
And i'm telling you
It can't happen here
Oh darling, it's important that you believe me
(bop bop bop bop)
That it can't happen here
Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere in kansas...
Kansas kansas tototototodo
Kansas kansas tototototodo
Kansas kansas
Who could imagine that they would freak out in minnesota...
Mimimimimimimi minnesota, minnesota, minnesota
Who could imagine...
Who could imagine
That they would freak out in washington, d.c.
D.c. d.c. d.c. d.c. d.c.
It can't happen here
Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba
It can't happen here
It can't happen here
Everybody's safe and it can't happen here
No freaks for us
It can't happen here
Everybody's clean and it can't happen here
No, no, it won't happen here
I'm telling you it can't
It won't happen here
(bop bop didi bop didi bop bop bop)
Plastic folks, you know
It won't happen here
You're safe, mama
You're safe, baby
You just cook a tv dinner
And you make it
(bop bop bop)
No no no no
Oh, we're gonna get a tv dinner and cook it up
Go get a tv dinner and cook it up
Cook it up
Oh, and it won't happen here
(no no no no no no no no no no no
Man you guys are really safe
Everything's cool).
Who could imagine
Who could imagine
That they would freak out in the suburbs
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool
I remember (tu-tu)
I remember (tu-tu)
They had a swimming pool.
And they thought it couldn't happen here
(duh duh duh duh duh)
They knew it couldn't happen here
They were so sure it couldn't happen here
But...
Suzie...
Yes yes yes--i've always felt that
Yes i agree man, it really makes it...yeah...
It's a real thing, man
And it really makes it
(makes it)
Suzie, you just got to town,
And we've been, we've been very interested
In your development,
Since you first took the shots.
Forget it!
Hmmmmmmmmm
(it can't happen here)
(can't happen here)
(can't happen here)
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