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1. _ Making friends and acquaintances
loose-lipped secrets
i've seen those birdies chirping
another promise perched on their fragile branches
cradle and all
we all hide a diary beneath some matress
and someone has slept in my bed
sometimes i get so naked i sing like a canary
and i scream out what i shouldn't scream
some lies last a lifetime
they keep our diaries hidden
they don't let the whispers slip
between the cracks of the bathroom stalls
or be written on the bathroom walls...
but still i can hear those dirty birds chirp away
it's a song i know by heart
sometimes i resent
making friends and acquaintances
it's a thin veil between us -
between the bedsprings and the mattress
i keep my secrets
the ones i can't keep
the ones you took from me
the ones you scattered with your wings
it was nice to meet you
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2. _ The martyr
and so it's begun
this is year one
the birth of a child in the form of a man
wrapped in a towel
passed out on the floor
these drunken hours - graces deflowered
cast downby an angel
she used to kiss his weeping eyes
depressed in her bosom
tears roll off her nipple
sweetie, don't cry...
your tears are only alibis
to prove you still feel -
you only feel sorry for yourself
well, get on that cross,
that's all you're good for
and thusly it ends
depression seeps in on a lonely messiah
now he drinks with the lepers
losing a limb
his better half
a glass once half full
a head hung half-mast
he claims he's the victim
strangled by the nine-to-five
and a pattern of stillness
that haunted this still life
your tears are only alibis
to prove you still feel -
youonly feel sorry for yourself
and that's how you thrive,
your sorrow's your goldmine
so write some sad song about me
screaming your agonies, playing the saint
the martyr
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3. _ The radiator hums
dinner's getting cold -
you haven't touched a thing
so what's it gonna' be?
i can hold out much longer than you
when it's steady i'm just acting out my roles
when you're ready i'll be walking out that door
and don't call me pretty baby anymore,
oh, foolish worker bee -
i'm your fucking queen
i threw out the phone to try to get through to you
the lines are down drowned by the hum of the radiator
this house is the hole that you could never fill
with rose - blossomed bouquets,
vanities and loveseats
sad little boy, i know you get confused
but everyone goes through these trials
of self - truth and self abuse
when you're selfless you're so hard not to adore
when you're selfish i just love you even more
i want to help you but you've got to say the words:
"i want to be cured"
drowned
deep in this hole we've dug for ourselves
throw me in - headfirst,
submerged in this great depression
impoverished and impotent
and don't call me pretty baby
i threw out the phone to try to get through to you
the lines are down, drowned by the hum of the radiator
this house is the hole you could never fill
with shattered dinner plates
that's how we'll communicate
hey pretty baby, are you ready for bed?
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4. _ The night i lost the will to fight
i need a catalyst
to rekindle the flame
that once burned within these fists
where defeat remains
one february night
we screamed ouragonies
and i swear i tried to care
i tried, i tried
but the icicles hung down like prison bars
and i lost the will to fight
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5. _ The casualty
the night has fallen down the staircase
and i,
for one
have felt its bruises
equilibrium: inebriated
our social graces have been displaced
as we sink deeper
into the drink,
the volume increases...
night time reurrects fault lines
silent wars - rumble somewhere below
the surfaces verses.
the shoe is dropped
lungs explode
shards of words of a shatterd voice
and there's still a hole where the phone was thrown
the moon is rising
a revolution
i close my eyes and the room is spinning
you're still screaming
"sweetie, the moon has raped me-
it's left its seeds like a tomb inside me."
so i must learn to abort these feelings
this romance is bleeding...
night time triggers the land mines
bedroom wounds - lovers like brigadiers
marching two by two
a soldier's down
flood gates burst
i've said some things i wish you'd never heard
like, "there's still a hole where the phone was thrown."
it's growing as we speak,
and it's sucking us both in
a vacuum of sorrow to swallow up the day
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6. _ The lament of pretty baby
i saw something i was not supposed to see
a ghostly memory, that keeps on haunting me
(the kitchen door was opened a crack.
so naively we peeked inside)
oh, darling sister, have they hurt you, have they hurt you?
oh pretty baby, they won't touch you,
they won't touch you again
we will fix this incident
i don't want to be seen as a pretty thing
'cause it's the pretty things we're always breaking...
oh, doctor, doctor can you fix me, can you you fix me?
oh, pretty baby, you're so naive - but it comes off so cute
we don't want to fix you
we love you just the way you are
the butterfly pinned to the page
the nightingale locked in the cage - won't you sing for me?
sing for me
yeah, we love you just the way you are
crushed 'neath fashion magazines
trampled by circus pony dreams - won't you kiss me?
kiss me, uh-huh
oh please, mister, can't you fix me, can't you fix me?
someone, anyone, won't you fix me?
fix me
oh, someone please, the moon has raped me
i can feel it inside me!
oh, mama, please let someone fix me!
let them fix me, let them fix me
so cry yourself to sleep
cry yourself to sleep 'cause i am strong and you are weak.
wait... you are strong, and i am weak
fuck - just cry yourself to sleep
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7. _ A red so deep
the furnace burns, the baby turns
she cries when she's hungry
the morning paper will knock the door
to interrupt their slumbers
are you satisfied tonight, oh, trader's wife
does he neglect you?
crawling bar stools and touching the girls
as you wash their smell from his clothes
they shoot the horses
when they're too old to race
and so, my dear, is there room in bed for me?
the setting sun has etched
lines upon this face
shades of red of a furious defeat
(the bear, the bull)
are you satisfied tonight, oh, trader's wife
as he thinks to you:
"i don't know you anymore,
and i can't breath in this apartment."
sleep,my sweetie, let the days expire
they've outnumbered you
hold me sweetly, like the days we bled with love
a red so deep we sunk
we sunk
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8. _ Shallow means, deep ends
swimming at night
we've dug this hole
the water's fine
i wonder how far down it goes
down it goes
the stars above
have lost their shine
and so, my love,
departs our sight
the unending plains
project a void
where lovers gawk
in pantomime
shallow means, deep ends
when the regret sinks in
pressure erupts - which way is up
swimming at night
we've finally hit bottom
swallowing promises back into our lungs
losing direction of our affections
down it goes
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9. _ The game of who needs who the worst
a little bit closer,
i know you're not bashful
there, that's not so bad is it?
so what was that secret?
what did that prick whisper to you?
was it playful and flirty
or
degrading and dirty
i know you like it both ways
so - what did he say?
to make you so goddamn defiant
so fucking triumphant
relations
in direct competition
domination
the players:
disguised as the lover,
the best friend
a game of who needs who the worst
a little bit closer
your lipstick is smudged, dear
here, let me wipe that smirk off...
a secret
but you couldn't keep it so secret
relations:
without hesitation
or social tact
and as it occurred, it occurred to me...
who needs who?
a little bit closer
closer
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