Corky And The Juice Pigs

Todd!
Todd!
Todd!
Todd!
That was todd. thank you very much.

(cheering, clapping)
I'm back again!
But this time i'm here to introduce
The most famous group
That i have ever met.....
Corky and the juice pigs!

Revelations:
And the number of the beast shall be 666. born in the sixth month, the sixth day, and the sixth hour, and anyone bearing this mark, shall be known as the antichrist

I needed a date
For the high school dance
I went into the toilet
And i took a chance
I saw number written on the wall
Eight letters in blood
It was the number i had to call

666-6666
That's the number of the daughter of the beast

Took her out for dinner
It was reasonably priced
She wasn't impressed
She was the daughter of the anti-christ
I walked her home
Took her through the park
I tried to kiss her
But her eyes glowed in the dark

666-6666
That's the number of the daughter of the beast

Hey ????, i hear you got a new girlfriend

Yeah man, she's real hot
She spits acid, she pukes fire, and she gives good horn

You must be talkin' 'bout the daughter of the beast, man!

Gettin' a car across the river styx is a bit of a drag
And her four-headed dog always biting my ankles is a kick in the ass
And her dad always trying to kill me with his jokes
Goin' out with her, man, it was hell!

Number of the daughter of the beast!
6! (repeat 5 times).

It was a terrible day. my legs felt like four pounds of cheese in a two-pound bag. i didn't know what to do. my eyes were bloodshot, and actually my legs were bloodshot as well. it was strange,
Was happy. i got into my car. i decided i was going to leave the city. gonna go south, gonna have a holiday.

So i got in my car and i wondered why it wasn't running and then i realized i didn't have any keys. so i went in the house, found my keys, came back out, started the car, and drove down the high


The highway shimmered like black incense on the bald head of a buddhist monk. i drove down the highway and i got to that big city of miami. the steaming, seedy city - the city that's so seedy, t
Ve trees there. well i went into the nearest hotel and i went up to the door and i said, "i'd like a room." then i realized i was outside and i had to go inside. so i went inside and i
Ed up to the desk and i said, "i'd like a room, please."

They said allright, and they gave me a key. then i turned around, and there waiting for me was the concierge.

Concierge! (repeated many times)

Well he looked at me, then i looked at him, then he looked back at me, and then i took a putty knife and i rubbed it against his cheeks in a very provocative way. and he turned around and said,
;follow me."

So i followed him up the stairs. i went to my room. he opened the door for me, and then he hit me in the back of the head with a big silver shovel. i said, "what's that about?"

He said, "you get it free with the room." who was i to argue?

And i went in. my whole room was covered with soap. little soaps, all over the room, everywhere! in the bed, on the ceiling, everywhere! i said, "what's with the soap?"

And he says, "what, you don't like soap?"

I said, "no, i'll take it, thanks."

He left the room, and then gave me a stare that almost turned my blood to blood. anyway, i lay down on the bed, and it was a hot day so i was tossing and turning, and tossing and turning. and th
E soap started to lather up and lather up! and i was gonna die! i was gonna suffocate! so i called the front desk, and they sent up the concierge!

Concierge! (repeated many times)

Well he looked at me up and down, and he looked at me like i was four pounds of shit in a two- pound bag. and i looked back at him like he was four pounds of shit in a four-pound bag. and then h
Ked at me like i was six pounds of shit in a pound-and-a-half-bag. and i looked at him like he was 18 kilograms of shit in a thimble. and then i stabbed him in the face. and then he bit my head
Nd put it in a bag. and that's when i fell in love with the concierge.

Concierge! (repeated many times)

Now we live in a small beach house on a small beach on long island - it's a long, small island, but i love it well. and he loves me well. and sometimes we take a trip down the highway that's gli
Ng like a buddhist monk with incense ablaze, and we think of the day we first met - me, and the concierge.

Concierge...

The buddhist monk singers sing the hits of the 80's!

I'm your private dancer
A dancer for money
Do what you want me to do.

You're my little curry puff
I'm your vindaloo man
I want to take you where samosas run wild
And lay you in a bed of cashmere?.

I'm lying here in my pajamas
Dreaming of the bandicoot
Trying to reach nirvana
Is easy when i'm eating this food.

It was an east indian love affair
East indian love affair
East indian love affair
With you.

So give me tandori chicken
Send a coolie with a message for me
I'll be waiting for your answer of love, my dear
Underneath this tall tea tree.

I want to put a diamond in your nose
Give you silver slippers that turn up at the toes
I will be your little madras boy
If you will be my little sequoia.

It was an east indian love affair
East indian love affair
East indian love affair
With you.

Hello everyone. my name is gary coleman. and a lot of you remember me as that little black kid on different strokes. but there's another, darker side of me that a lot of you don't know about. an
T's the fact that i was born without a torso. that's right! and millions of children are born without torsos every year, and the number is growing.

Imagine the horror of being taunted in the schoolyard: "hey where d'ya keep your nipples? in your pockets?"

Imagine the horror of being carried home from rugby practise in a netbag.

Imagine the horror of being taunted at swimming lessons: 'hey starfish baby! starfish baby!'

Yes, the pain is real. the horror is real. but the hope is also real. please give generously to:
Torsos for tots.
A non-profit organization that helps these trunkless youngsters reach out and not have their arm fall through their t-shirt hole. please give generously to:

Torsos for tots
228 avenue of the americas
New york, new york

Because somewhere there's a kid with nothing in his shirt but a dream.


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Hello, my name's ernest borgnine. and a lot of you remember me as the incredible flying worm in steve's trip to the oasis. but there's another, darker side of me that a lot of you don't know abo
Nd that's the fact that i -
Did you say ernest borgnine?

Yes.

He's on the tape already.

Oh, alright.

Sorry- p.s.a. number two.

Hello, my name's kate capshaw. and a lot of you remember me as that little black kid on different strokes. but there's another, darker side of me that a lot of you don't know about. and that's t
Ct that- (laughing)- greg's making me laugh!

Do you know, is kate capshaw known in other countries?

(all laugh)

Alright, let's do another one- let's go.

I should leave the room.

P.s.a- no don't- p.s.a.

Hello, my name is earl the incredible squirrel. (laughing) i'm sorry--

(all laugh raucously) that's a keeper.



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Hello, my name's clint eastwood. and a lot of you remember me as that little black kid on different strokes. but there's another, darker side of me that a lot of you don't know about. and that's
Fact that i have two huge columns of cheese for legs. that's right- and millions of children are born with cheddar legs every year, and the number is growing.

Imagine (hopelessly cracking up) the horror of sliding into second base and making a lovely taco melt.

Imagine the horror of being taunted in the schoolyard: "hey, we oughta cube ya and make little things with flags stick into ya."

Imagine the horror of being held down in the schoolyard and grated.

Yes, the pain is real. the horror is real, but the hope is also real. please give generously to:
Slice me off a chunk, huh?
A non-profit organization that helps these kids reach out and give, and take, and love, and live without being melted onto a patty of meat. please, give generously to:

Slice me off a chunk, huh?
228 avenue of the americas
New york, new york

Because somewhere, there's a kid who's curdling, with a dream.

I love you! i love you beyond a reasonable doubt! i love you and i'd like to take you out to the barn and beat you with a manure-caked stick!

We are americans.
We are americans, oh yeah!
We carry great big guns
'cause we are americans!

Oh yeah!
We're strong (we're strong!)
And we're free (we're free!)
We are coke, we are pepsi

'cause we are americans
We are americans.

What we'd like to do for you right now, is a short history of the united states of america. first of all a short scene depicting the united states of america, and their diplomacy.

Hey pal, do whatever i tell ya!

No!

I got a really big gun here...

All right then.

Yeah! secondly a short scene depicting the united states of america, and their economy, yeah!

Hey pal, gimme all your money.

No!

I got a really big gun here...

All right!

And thirdly a short scene depicting the united states of america, and i'm sure we all understand their foreign policy, yeah!

Hey pal, let's go fight a war in iraq.

Okay! where's iraq?

Yeah!

And finally a short scene depicting the united states of america, and the settlement, the settlement of that great nation, we know and love as the usa, yeah.

Hey you indian. here's a bunch of glass beads, gimme all your land.

No.

I got a great big gun here.

Nice beads!

We are americans
We are americans, ah yeah!
We carry great big guns, yeah!
'cause we are americans

We're strong (we're strong!)
And we're free (we're free!)
We are coke, we are pepsi

And we wear
Canadian flags
When we travel
On our bags

'cause we are americans (ah yeah!)
We are americans (c'mon everybody, make like you're at woodstock, yeah!)
We are americans
We are americans

We are americans, here we go!
We are americans
Everything i do... i do it for you.

Two gameshow announcers meet on the street

Hi bob, how are you?

Just fine bill. but i see you have put on a little weight, ever since you got your brand new gas b-b-que!

Along with a year's supply of kingsford charcoal - get the kingsford edge! but i've seen you cruising down the street- in your brand new car!

A chevy vega! deluxe convertible hatchback, with reclining bucket seats and an am/fm radio. but that is nothing- compared to where you're going!

Puerto vallarta, mexico!

Oh my god!!

I'll be spending seven days and six sensuous nights at the beautiful puerto vallarta hilton, overlooking the exotic gulf of mexico.

Lunch and dinner not included, bill.


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Two canadian gameshow announcers meet on the street
Hi bob, how are you?

Just fine bill. but i see you have put on a little weight, ever since you got your brand new mcdonald coupons!

Available at mcdonald's franchises across canada. but i've seen you cruising down the street- in your brand new coat!

Yes! it's a beautiful down-filled coat from sears, bill. good against all the ravages of the winter weather. but again, that is nothing- compared to where you're going!

Beautiful downtown hamilton! i'll be spending seven days and two sensuous nights at the beautiful hamilton motor inn, overlooking absolutely nothing.

Bring your own lunch and dinner, bill.


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Gameshow three not yet transcribed.