unknown

Oy
Oy

Down on the street they got bagels
And there's a sale on cream cheese and lox
Nosh on some blintzes and bratwurst
Not in the mood for jack-in-the-box

Oy vey

We gonna schlepp on through to flatbush avenue
Kielbasa and chopped liver
We gonna schlepp on through to flatbush avenue
Or maybe they'll deliver

(one, two, thray, four)
(one, two [nasal hocking sound])

I used to be a pinball freak
That's where you'd find me every week
But now it's pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

I love to gobble up those dots
Keep pumpin' quarters in the slots
They call it pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

At the game arcade, they say i'm hard core
I can play all day 'til my hands are sore
And i quit my job just to play some more
But i won't give up 'til i break high score

Pacman [music from pacman "intermission"]

Well it's the pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

Well it takes a lot of cash to play
(pacman, get the cherry)
So i'm gonna sell my house today
(pacman, eat 'em up)

I'm playin' pacman
Yeah it's the pac-ma-an

Hey mom, i won't be home this year
(pacman)
Please forward all my mail right here
(pacman)
I'm at the pacman
Yeah it's the pacman

And you're playing with no one but me
Pacman

[music from pacman "intermission"]
[sound from when pacman dies]

Fatter, fatter
Shake 'n bake, fatter
Shake 'n bake, fatter
Fatter

Corndogs, pizza, coca cola
Yogurt, butterscotch, granola
Look at me, i'm fatter
I'm fatter, i'm fatter

Friends all gather 'round me
My enemies surround me
Yelling "fatso, fatso, fatso"
I've eaten at every single greasy spoon on seventh avenue
That's right, i'm fatter

Don't you know my weight is going up, up, up, up, up
I tell you, this turkey sure is tough
Tough, tough, tough, tough, tough, tough

They got pizza on the west side
French fries up town
Corn dogs deep fried in batter
I'm fatter

Go ahead, bite the big apple
Don't mind the calories
Pile it on my platter
I'm fatter

Pile it up, pile it high up

Wearin' old t-shirts and grubby jeans
People say i look kinda odd
Well, i'm never accepted in the social set
'cause they say that i'm a clod

But once in a while, i go to my closet
And i put on something mod
And when i step out in my leisure suit
People stand up and applaud

Leisure suit serenade
Slip one on and you got it made
You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade
That's the leisure suit serenade

Now, it don't matter if the collar's bent
If it's got nylon twenty percent
Now i'm as cool as the asb president
Leisure suit serenade

Leisure suit serenade
Slip one on and you got it made
You better hope and pray that the colors don't fade
That's the leisure suit serenade, oh yeah
That's the leisure suit serenade

How about making a run for the border
How about me deserving a break today
How about getting some fries with my order
How about finally letting me have it my way

Thank you burger king
Thank you dairy queen
Thank you, thank you kfc

Thank you pizza hut
Thank you taco bell
Thank you so much wendy's

Now, let me tell you 'bout the school cafeteria
It's got all the others beat
It sells over four million burgers a year
Just think, that's almost two pounds of meat

My ice cream sandwich is lukewarm
But my burrito is much too cold
You know a school cafeteria is the only place
That sells artificially colored mold

You know a school cafeteria believes in mass production
They buy those lousy soy beans by the keg
I don't like to complain, but in a school cafeteria
You can buy a taco and get bubonic plague

Today in the school cafeteria
They introduced a brand new malt
It's called boysenberry dysentery
Please pass the salt

The tunafish sandwiches'll make you ill
The enchiladas are enough to kill
Before you eat, you'd better make out your will
In the school cafeteria today

After sixty-three years in the business
Our cook still hasn't got the knack
And all the food in the school cafeteria
Comes from care packages that were sent back

Feel your arteries growing hard
As you eat another healthy spoonful of lard

It's no wonder that the food is so gross
The health department is afraid to come close
So everybody better hold your nose
In the school cafeteria today

So listen very closely, all you girls and guys
Here's a little message to the wise
You'd better not try the chili surprise
In the school cafeteria today, oh yeah
In the school cafeteria today

I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them
Sam, i am

I do not like them here or there
I do not like them anywhere
I do not like them in a boat
I would not, could not, with a goat

I will not eat them in the rain
I do not like them on a train
I do not like them in a box
I will not eat them with a fox

I do not like them in a house
I would not, could not, with a mouse
I do not like green eggs and ham
I do not like them
Sam, i am

Green eggs and ham
Green eggs and ham
Don't like green eggs and ham

Gee, i'm a nerd
Seen each star trek eighty times
Memorized each word

Home alone
On friday nights
But i got eight gigabytes
Left on my hard drive

I'm hooked as i can get
Into the internet
Maybe you would like to see my web page

I love my new pc
It means the world to me
So many things to download

Gee, i'm a nerd
All the jocks and muscle heads
Flip me the bird
Cause i'm a nerd

Gee, i'm a nerd

If i could make love to a bottle
The first thing that i'd like to do
I'd search the world over to find one
That had the exact same circumference as you

In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry tree
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only dr. demento

Nixon, ford, and carter, reagan too
Remember all they did and didn't do
Through it all, one consistency
Spending once a week with dr. d

So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Changes come, seasons pass
Like alice through the looking glass
He shares a world of madness that we cheer
For fifteen roly poly years.

So wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Don't forget to stay demented

Everybody sing
He has a very friendly, fuzzy face
And nobody could ever take his place
His fans around the globe will never dwindle
'cause he fits so many records on his spindle

Stacks of laughing wax from floor to ceiling
Well, it gives him such a warm internal feeling
Whether you're italian or egyptian
He's bound to fill your musical prescription

Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

Wind your radios way up tight
Raise your glasses high tonight
Like wine, his spirit has fermented
So here's to him, the one who stays demented

In the year of 1970
Underneath the old smogberry trees
First was heard a man that we all know
The one and only dr. demento

Yeah

Late at night, you're hungry
You're craving some pizza
Let me be the one that you call

Olive or anchovy
Perhaps pepperoni
Anything you want, we've got it all

Near, far, i'll jump in my car
You just call in your order and i'm gone
You know, we hand toss our dough
Just tell me what you want and the toppings will go on and on

Deep dish, whatever you wish
Even get two for one with a coupon
You must try our special crust
But just don't eat too fast or your heartburn will go on and on

One, two, a-one, two, three, four

Well i, can't go to the park
I can't go to work
I can't do nothin'
I gotta stay in my house like a jerk

How come i always lose
My car has blown a fuse
Oh yeah
I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes
And the dead car battery blues

You know, can't visit my girlfriend
I can't go to school
I can't go anywhere
Gotta stay in my room like a fool

'cause i got grease in my hair
My belvedere's in disrepair
Oh yeah
I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes
And the dead car battery blues

So i, went to see my mechanic
He said, "okay, now what is wrong"
I told him my car wouldn't start
He said, "this shouldn't take very long"

So he replaced all my plugs and my points
And he looked at my carburetor
He took out my engine and turned it around
And then seventeen hours later

He looked at my headlights and said
"son, how long have these things been on"
I told him, "oh, about three or four weeks"
He said, "buddy, i know what's wrong"
"but i hate to be the one to give you the news"
"you got the dead car battery blues"

So now i, can't go to my office
Can't work on my job
I might as well lock myself up in my room
And live my life like a slob

How come i always lose
My belvedere has blown a fuse
Oh yeah
I got hydraulic fluid leakin' in my shoes
And the dead car battery blues

Some bread, you can get bargain-priced
And every loaf you buy begins with a singular slice
But you know it will go stale again
Always does, its just a question of when

I've lived long enough to have learned
The longer it stays in the toaster, the more it gets burned
But that can't happen to us
Because it's always been a matter of crust

Hi, this is "weird al" yankovic, and i'd just like to take this opportunity to say:
Merry christmas
Merry christmas
Merry christmas

Hello, this is "weird al" yankovic, hoping that your new year isn't a torture-filled living hell, and that you finally decide to do something worthwhile with your miserable, wretched lives. thank you

Hello, this is "weird al" yankovic, and i'd like to wish you all a merry christmas and a happy new year. and to all my japanese friends, feliz navidad

Hi, this is "weird al" yankovic, wishing you and yours a very merry christmas. and now, here's a cheery little number i wrote about death, destruction, and the end of the world, called "christmas at ground zero"

Hello, this is "weird al" yankovic.
You know, some of my favorite memories are those of christmastime. i still remember when i was a little boy, just waiting for the big day. mom would be cooking up a mess of boisenberry and tunafish burritos for our big christmas dinner, and dad would be decorating the tree with little bits of spam
And then, the big day would finally arrive. i'd stay up all night and wait for santa, a-and when he finally showed up, we'd all hold his hands down in the waffle maker until he promised to give us everything we wanted
Ah, yeah, those were the days. well, merry christmas everybody, and, let's do lunch

When we were young, bernie's deli was down the block
(ooh ooh ooh ooh)
He made a great liver pate
(you know he did, you know he did, you know he did)
But if there's one thing in this world that i like better
Than a corned beef on rye

It's chicken pot pie
Chicken pot pie

(chorus of chicken-cluck imitations)

Someday i'm gonna pack up
And then i'm goin' back up
To that place where sentimental feelings arouse

Where the grass is so green
And the air is so clean
That when the wind is right you can even smell the cows

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

If you're new in town
Then you'll wanna look around
But you don't know where to begin
Well, there's bubble gum alley
And the local car rally
Not to mention the toilets at madonna inn

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

It's not much of a hassle
To drive up to hearst's castle
And it's not too far from pismo beach or morro rock

You can visit downtown at your leisure
Because for your shopping pleasure
The stores never close down until five o'clock

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
Where time shifts into neutral
And idles away

Take me down (take me down)
To that good old slo town
I've got to get back
To that city today

Now, you won't find me braggin'
'bout my big green station wagon
Or tellin' 'bout the traffic laws i'm breakin'
Everybody knows that i wouldn't dare
Match my wits with a red corvair
And just the thought of a pinto leaves me shakin'

Now, i don't think that i could hack
Drivin' a big white cadillac
With ripped up upholstery and unnecessary frills
No, i don't think that i could bear
Drivin' somethin' other than a belvedere
In a belvedere i can really get my thrills

Goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight
Just watch me pass that porsche on the right
I can take you anywhere
In my 1964 belvedere
Goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight

I don't think that i could cruise
In one of those small vw's
Or zip along the highway in a classy pickup truck
There's somethin' 'bout a comet
That makes me wanna vomit
And those datsuns just ain't worth a fudgesicle, no

Goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight
You got nothin' to lose but your life
It can take away your blues
All you've gotta do is cruise
In my big black plymouth belvedere tonight

With red upholstery
Goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight, yes indeed
Woo, goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight
Yeah, goin' belvedere cruisin' tonight

When i was a little boy
(when i was just a boy)
And my mother would call my name
(when i was just a boy)
She'd say i had to be in the house by seven
(when i was just a boy)

But i'd stay out late at night
(when i was just a boy)
And when i'd finally get back in
Oh, i know she'd hit me, she'd hit me
She'd sit me on her knees and whip me

Oh, she'd hit me with a rock
She'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
She'd hit me (hit me with a rock)
She'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)

And when i was grown to be a man
(grown to be a man)
The minute the boss would call my name
(grown to be a man)
And say i had to be in the office by seven
(grown to be a man)

I'm a constipated man
(grown to be a man)
And when i'd finally get back in
Oh, my boss'd hit me, he'd hit me
He'd tie me to a chair and whip me

Oh he'd hit me with a rock
He'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
He'd hit me (hit me with a rock)
He'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)

When i was grown to be president
(was the president)
The minute the congress'd call my name
(was the president)
And said some papers had to be signed by thursday
(had to be signed by thursday)

I'd fly away to pakistan
(was the president)
And the second that i'd get back home
Oh, i know they'd hit me, they'd hit me
With leather and chains they'd whip me

Oh, they'd hit me with a rock
They'd whip me with a rock, oh baby
They'd hit me. (hit me with a rock)
They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)
Hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)
They'd hit me, hit me, hit me, hit me
(hit me with a rock)
Yah yah yah yah yah yah
(hit me with a rock)
(hit with a rock)
Ow, whaddaya doin' to me, get away from me
(hit with a rock, oh baby)
(hit with a rock)
(he's gettin' hit with a rock)
(he's gettin' hit with a rock, oh baby)
(hit with a rock)

Wait a minute, hold it
I think he's dead
Let's leave
Let's get out of here, man

Take the l out of liver
And it's iver

Well, i stare at myself in the mirror
When i wake up every morn
And i marvel at how great i've been
Since the day that i was born

I've made so many albums
I've run out of things to name 'em
My fans all want to be like me
And really, who can blame 'em

Teenage groupies all surround me
I guess i know why
No one else can match my charm
Why do they even try

All the girls in college
Turned me down for other fellas
But i know why, it seems to me
They're just insanely jealous
Who wouldn't be

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And i'm not trying to say i'm perfect
I just want you to see
That i've never met a person
Who's as wonderful as me

Now, i'm not arrogant or haughty
And i'm certainly not conceited
But anyone trying to match my wits
Is very soon defeated

I'm a marvellous human being
I'm just one big hunk of man
Sometimes i have to marvel
At how very great i am

Some people call it self-indulgence
But they just don't understand
That it's hard to be too humble
When you know that you're so grand

And i'm not trying to say i'm perfect
I just want you to see
That i've never met a person
Who's as marvellous, spectacular
Fantastic and terrific
And so very great and wonderful as me

It was just the other day
When we went to joe's cafe
Just to order up a couple steaks to eat

But we noticed something wrong
All the worcestershire was gone
But the waitress brought a different kind of treat

She said this sauce was the chef's new creation
Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation
But she warned us it's made out of prunes
"try a little if you dare"
"nothing can compare"
So we had some and now we swear
We won't eat prunes again

That was such a dirty trick
Boy, it really made us sick
Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune

Still the memory lingers on
I been livin' in the john
'cause i've had the runs since monday afternoon

I'd sell my soul for some new constipation
Need a cure for this new aggravation
Diarrhea has taken its toll
Still got the runs today
Just like yesterday
Buddy, that's why i'm hear to say
We won't eat prunes again

Won't eat prunes again
No no

Yeah

Eat the new sauce
Same as the old sauce

[parody of "doctor! doctor!" by the thompson twins]
Woah, 'cause he's my doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
I'm feelin' pretty dismal.

Doctor, doctor,
And his name is bernie, bernie.
Oh, doctor, doctor,
Where's my pepto bismol?

You don't take your showers
You don't use ban roll on
Please don't come near me anymore
I'll throw up on the floor because you make me ill

I remember when

You used to smell half-decent
That hasn't been too recent
Now your repulsing all the people you know
You perspire freely, your dandruff's like snow
And you're drawing flies everywhere that you go

'cuz you don't take your showers anymore

I had to buy some airwick
You even made my dog sick
You can't come over anymore 'cuz your hygiene is poor
And besides, you're a slob

You create a nuisance
When you're out in public
When you walk up to people in your smelly old clothes
And they just run from you, holding their nose
And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'cuz you don't take your showers anymore

And you claim that you're lonely
But that's how it goes

'cuz you don't change your undies
And you don't use ban roll on
And you don't take your showers anymore