unknown

You're wearing your squeaky shoes
And right there taking a snooze
Is a tiger, so how do you walk on by?
Silently ... silently ... silent ... l-y

You're a secret agent man
Who's after the secret plan
How do you act so they don't know you're as spy?
Normally ... normally ... normal ... l-y

At an eating contest you boast
That you can eat the most
How do you down your fiftieth piece of pie?
Eagerly ... eagerly ... eager ... l-y

On the lake your boat upset
And your clothes got soaking wet
How do you stand and wait for them to dry?
D-d-d-d-d patiently ... d-d-d-d-d patiently ... patient ... l-y

In the public library
You fall and you hurt your knee
But the isgn says "quiet please," so how can you cry?
Quietly .... quietly .... quiet ... l-y

Asyou walk along the street
A porcupine you meet
How do you shake his hand when he says hi?
Carefully ... carefully .... careful ... l-y

You enter a very dark room
And sitting there in the gloom
Is dracula! now how do you say goodbye?
Immediately ... immediately ... immediate ... l-y
Bye bye!

Who can turn a can into a cane?
Who can turn a pan into a pane?
It's not too hard to see
It's silent e

Who can turn a cub into a cube?
Who can turn a tub into a tube?
It's elementary
For silent e

He took a pin and turned it into pine
He took a twin and turned him into twine

Who can turn a cap into a cape?
Who can turn a tap into a tape?
A little glob becomes a globe instantly
If you just add silent e

He turned a dam - alikazam! - into a dame
But my friend sam stayed just the same

Who can turn a man into a mane?
Who can turn a van into a vane?
A little hug becomes huge instantly
Don't add w, don't add x, and don't add y or z,
Just add silent e

To "if you give me your attention."
If you give me your attention, i will tell you what i am.
I'm a brilliant math'matician - also something of a ham.
I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact i've one of each;
Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach.
I understand the subject matter thoroughly, it's true,
And i can't see why it isn't all as obvious to you.
Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned,
Yet everybody tells me that i'm hard to understand,
And i can't think why.

My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree,
And my handwriting is famous for its legibility.
Take a word like "minimum" (to choose a random word),
This was performed at a blackboard, and the professor wrote:
////////////////
For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd.
The anecdotes i tell get more amusing every year,
Though frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear,
And all my explanations are quite lucid, i am sure,
Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure,
And i can't think why.

Consider, for example, just the force of gravity:
It's inversely proportional to something - let me see -
It's r^3 - no, r^2 - no, it's just r, i'll bet -
The sign in front is plus - or is it minus, i forget -
Well, anyway, there is a force, of that there is no doubt.
All these formulas are trivial if you only think them out.
Yet students tell me, "i have memorized the whole year through
Ev'rything you've told us, but the problems i can't do."
And i can't think why!

We gather together to ask the lord's blessing
For turkey and dressing and cranberry sauce.
It was slightly distressing but now we're convalescing
So sing praises to his name and forget not to floss.
Our nearest and dearest we don't want confessing
It's sort of depressing to have them so near.
Our feelings supressing for lightly acquiescing
And perfectly professing we're glad they were here.
We gathered together and got the lord's blessing
Of course we're just guessing 'cause how can you tell?
Our stomach's are bloating
Our kidneys nearly floating
Hellos are very nice but goodbyes can be swell