Greatest Hits

(difford/tilbrook)

I bought a toothbrush, some toothpaste
A flannel for my face
Pyjamas, a hairbrush
New shoes and a case
I said to my reflection
Let's get out of this place
Past the church and the steeple
The laundry on the hill
Billboards and the buildings
Memories of it still
Keep calling and calling
But forget it all
I know i will

Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered
What's been going on
Now that you have gone
There's no other
Tempted by the fruit of another
Tempted but the truth is discovered

I'm at the car park, the airport
The baggage carousel
The people keep on crowding
I'm wishing i was well
I said it's no occasion
It's no story i could tell

At my bedside empty pocket
A foot without a sock
Your body gets much closer
I fumble for the clock
Alarmed by the seduction
I wish that it would stop

I bought a novel, some perfume
A fortune all for you
But it's not my conscience
That hates to be untrue
I asked of my reflection
Tell me what is there to do

(difford/tilbrook)

If it's love
That would really explain it
How i feel like i'm covered in wool
If it's love
Then it's really exciting
And my diary's become very full
If it's love does it matter
If i'm thin or i'm fatter
If it's love then it feels like i've won the pools
If it's love
Then it needs some devotion
And i feel like i'm walking on air
If it's love
Then i feel like i'm floating
Through my world without knowing who's there
If it's love someone slap me
Is this me that's so happy
If it's love then i'm laughing like i don't care

If it's love then my teeth are clean for a change
If it's love then that's why i'm feeling so strange

If it's love
Then i need it forever
Like the beats that keep time in my heart
If it's love
Then i fall like a feather
I'm an egg in the teeth of a shark
If it's love i'm inspired
I'm up late, i'm not tired
If it's love my world is about to spark

If it's love love love love love love

(difford/tilbrook)

I feel like i'm pounding on a big door
No one can hear me knocking
I feel like i'm falling flat to the floor
No one can catch me from falling
The hourglass has no more grains of sand
My watch has stopped no more turning hands
The crew have abandoned ship
The lights are on but no one is in
Take it to the bridge
Throw it overboard
See if it can swim
Back up to the shore
No one's in the house
Everyone is out
All the lights are on
And the blinds are down

I feel like i'm calling on a telephone
No one can hear the ringing
I feel like i'm running up a steep hill
No one can stop me from running
The hourglass has no more grains of sand
My watch has stopped no more turning hands
The little hand shakes its fist
The face is hanging out on a spring

The hourglass has no more grains of sand
Little red grains of sand
My watch has stopped no more turning hands
Little green neon hands

i met her in a poolroom
Her name i didn't catch
She looked like something special
The kind who'd understand
The room was almost spinning
She pulled another smile
She had the grace like pleasure
She had a certain style

Sunlight on the lino
Woke me with a shake
I looked around to find her but she'd gone
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl

She took me to her motel
The room on the second floor
A kettle and two coffees
Her number on the door
She said i hardly know you
Agreed we kissed goodnight
I knew that in the morning
Somehow i'd wake to find

Sunlight on the lino
Woke me with a shake
I looked around to find her but she'd gone
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl

I lost my silver bracelet
My clubroom locker keys
The money in the billfold
It doesn't bother me
My wife has moved to boston
So luck is not the word
If you ever see her
Say hello goodbye girl

Sunlight on the lino
Woke me with a shake
I looked around to find her but she'd gone
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl
Goodbye girl

(difford/tilbrook)

The indians send signals
From the rocks above the pass
The cowboys take positions
In the bushes and the grass
The squaw is with the corporal
She is tied against the tree
She doesn't mind the language
It's the beating she don't need
She lets loose all the horses
When the corporal is asleep
And he wakes to find the fire's dead
And arrows in his hats
And davy crockett rides around
And says it's cool for cats
The sweeney's doing ninety
'cos they've got the word to go
They get a gang of villains
In a shed up at heathrow
They're counting out the fivers
When the handcuffs lock again
In and out of wandsworth
With the numbers on their names
It's funny how their missus'
Always look the bleeding same
And meanwhile at the station
There's a couple of likely lads
Who swear like how's your father
And they're very cool for cats
They're cool for cats

To change the mood a little
I've been posing down the pub
On seeing my reflection
I'm looking slightly rough
I fancy this, i fancy that
I wanna be so flash
I give a little muscle
And i spend a little cash
But all i get is bitter and a nasty little rash
And by the time i'm sober
I've forgotten what i've had
And ev'rybody tells me that it's cool to be a cat
Cool for cats

Shake up at the disco
And i think i've got a pull
I ask her lots of questions
And she hangs on to the wall
I kiss her for the first time
And then i take her home
I'm invited in for coffee
And i give the dog a bone
She likes to go to discos
But she's never on her own
I said i'll see you later
And i give her some old chat
But it's not like that on the tv
When it's cool for cats
It's cool for cats

(difford/tilbrook)

She was frigid like a bible
When she met her boyfriend michael
He took her in his zephyr
They sat like salt and pepper
Looking out across the city
From lover's leap is pretty
The lights they flick and flutter
He told her how he loved her
Next night he called for her
But dad protected daughter
And told him she was poorly
A lie was told there surely
So michael felt rejected
This wasn't quite expected
He drove off to his local
Where he felt anti-social

She cried all night at missing
The boy she could be kissing
While he was falling over
He drunk himself back sober
And went home in a taxi
And crashed out in the back seat
He slept just like a baby
Which he hadn't done just lately
He saw her in the morning
Out with his sister pauline
She felt all shy and soppy
He acted cool and cocky
He said tonight at charlie's
There's going to be a party
I'll meet you at half seven
She visualised the heaven

If you ever change your mind
Which you do from time to time
Never chew a pickle
With a little slap and tickle
You have to throw the stone
To get the pool to ripple

That night they danced together
It looked like love forever
He put his hand on her leg
You should have heard what she said
He tried again much later
It seemed to aggravate her
He drove home in silence
Avoiding all violence
She said let's watch the city
From lover's leap is pretty
I think i need the fresh air
She put a comb through her hair
Then while she turned to kiss him
And very nearly missed him
She put her hand on his leg
He felt her tongue in his head

If you ever change your mind
Which you do from time to time
Never chew a pickle
With a little slap and tickle
You have to throw the stone
To get the pool to ripple

(difford/tilbrook)

The case was pulled from under the bed
She made a call to a sympathetic friend
And made arrangements
The door was closed there was a note
I couldn't be bothered
Maybe i'll choke
No more engagements

With where have you been's
And faraway frowns
Trying to be good
By not being 'round
And here in the bar
The piano man's found
Another nail for my heart

That stupid old bug
That kills only love
I want to be good
Is that not enough

So play me the song
That makes it so tough
Another nail for my heart
Then play me that song
That makes it so tough
Another nail for my heart

I had excuses those little boy lies
That she computed by watching my eyes
And told me firmly

She couldn't stand it i'm bad on her heart
She dropped her makeup and i found the bar
Now it concerns me

I've had a bad time
Now love is resigned
I've been such a fool
I've loved and goodbyed

So here in the bar
The piano man's found
Another nail for my heart
And here in the bar
The piano man's found
Another nail for my heart

(difford/tilbrook)

Trust me to open my mouth, now everybody knows
Trust me, now i've let you down, i'm a big mouth i suppose.
This was our secret, our meetings were so discreet
I promised to keep it from the ears out on the street
This was our secret, we were having an affair
I couldn't keep it, now the secret's everywhere

One cup runneth over, loosening a jaw
Trust me to open my mouth, it's not a secret anymore
We had a secret, what a terrible thing to do
I couldn't have seen it, i was so in love so in love with you

I need a gobstopper to keep my trap shut
Got to keep my nose clean
Why's it me that gets the bad luck?

(difford/tilbrook)

I'm faced with the facts
And a fist full of threats
I stand quite amused
At the end of the bed
I have no defense
For what i have said
As a handful of love
Whacks me right round the head
She's growling and stalking
And grabs from a pile
A book that she throws
And it missed by a mile
I'm holding a pillow
And as naked as sin
I'm backed to a corner
With a wastepaper bin
Then up on the mattress
There's no place to go
I'm guilty yes guilty
But there's no place like home

I rewind the hours
To see what went wrong
I plead for forgiveness
And i'm hit like a gong
It seems that i'm guilty
Of smiling too long
When recalling lovers
That now are long gone
I'm guilty you're guilty
So let me be stoned
The past is the present
When there's no place like home

Off with the shoes
And a whack round the head
Your ear rings like a phone
Some explanation
Might patch and mend
A love that's lost control
Now there's no place like home

(difford/tilbrook)

She unscrews the top of a new whiskey bottle
And shuffles about in her candle lit hovel,
Like some kind of witch with blue fingers in mittens
She smells like the cat and the neighbours she sickens,
The black and white t.v. has long seen a picture
The cross on the wall is a permanent fixture,
The postman delivers the final reminders
She sells off her silver and poodles in china.
Drinks to remember, i me and myself
And winds up the clock
And knocks dust from the shelf
Home is a love that i miss very much
So the past has been bottled and labelled with love.

During the war time an american pilot
Made every air raid a time of excitement,
She moved to his prairie and married the texan
She learnt from a distance how love was a lesson,
He became drinker and she became mother
She knew that one day she'd be one or the other,
He ate himself older, drunk himself dizzy
Proud of her features, she kept herself pretty.

He like a cowboy died drunk in his slumber
Out on the porch in the middle of summer,
She crossed the ocean back home to her family
But they had retired to roads that were sandy,
She moved home alone without friends or relations
Lived in a world full of age reservation,
On moth eaten armchairs she'd say that she'd sod all
The friends who had left her to drink from the bottle.