The Grand Theatre, Vol. 1

The bottom line's been snorted
The bottom card's been dealt
No one knows like you know right now
How truly bad it felt

All your life you wasted
On dreamin' about the day,
Worker bees kill off their queen
and carry all her eggs away

Oh and if you die fearin' God
And painfully employed
You will not go to heaven,
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

Up north in Chicago
Where booze makes no one blush
Memories come back to you
In a double bourbon rush

But memories aren't all bad
Yeah and neither, my friend, are you
there is an argument there must be some heaven left
for hearts that are half true

Oh and if you spend your whole life
Driving horses into Troy
You will not go to heaven
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

No you will not go to heaven
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

Roll on blacktop highway
In circles towards the sun
Springfield's in the distance,
and that's the last big one

After that comes judgment,
Yeah and judgment will be swift
You will be eliminated,
But here's a parting gift:

Oh and if you die fearing God
And painfully employed
No you will not go to heaven
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

No you will not go to heaven
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois

No you will not go to heaven
You'll go to Champaign, Illinois